Okay so picture this: you are friends with someone, they confess they have a crush on you, you say you don't feel the same- so you two just remain friends. It might be a little weird at first because feeling rejected is natural, but ultimately they respect your feelings and value your friendship. You two are still friends just like you were before they confessed their crush. Simple. Unfortunately, that normally doesn't happen. If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and stop the guy that coined the phrase "friend zone." The phrase "friend zone" is damaging for multiple reasons.
Let me tell you a story reader, a real life example if you will. I was studying with my guy friend and his classmate that I didn't know. They were having conversation about a girl the classmate liked. Since I didn't know this guy, I wasn't going to chime in, but all that changed when he mentioned the phrase "friend zone." He was explaining to my guy friend that he's had been spending a lot of time this girl that he's friends with, and he had developed a crush on her. He then mentioned he was planning to ask her out and was explaining why he was nervous. He said: "I really hope she doesn't say no (to him asking her out) because I really like spending time with her and talking to her so I don't want to lose that friendship." This sentence isn't as terrible as it could be, but of course he kept going. He then he mentioned not wanting to be in the friend zone. So that added an entirely new level of disgustingness to his first statement. That's when I chimed in: "so if she says no, you can't be friends with her?" He started to tell me how he couldn't bare being around her if she didn't feel the same about him. That's when I said: "so you'll just give up a friendship you really seem to enjoy if she doesn't like you more than a friend." That stumped him, but luckily for him, my guy friend was there to lecture me about the friend zone- something I'd been accused of putting "innocent" guys into multiple times.
1. The friend zone makes friendship seem like a punishment.
The friend zone is when two people are friends, friend "a" confesses their romantic feelings to friend "b," friend "b" doesn't feel the same way, friend "a" then complains about being stuck in the "friend zone." So friend "a" is complaining about staying in friendship with someone they were already friends with. Friend "a" is literally making their friendship with friend "b" seem like a punishment for them, since they can't get what they really want: a relationship.
2.The friend zone just makes someone feel guilty for rejecting you.
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they react after they have been rejected. The friend zone accusers are the kind of people who will be so nice to you until the second you reject them. They will go from being nice to you, saying sweet things, buying you gifts for no reasons, to calling you the meanest names and ignoring you.
I remember in high school I became really good friends with this guy senior year. We would always hang out, talk on the phone and he would give me free food from the restaurant he works at. I suspected he had feelings for me, so I told him multiple times that I just wanted to be friends and wasn't interested. In typical high school/ teenage fashion, I first told him in subtle ways like "you're such a good friend," and "I'm so thankful for your friendship." Then I decided that I needed to be straight forward, and I straight up told him that I suspected that he had feelings, and I wasn't interested but I valued his friendship. I honestly thought that he was okay with it because he still kept doing the things he always did and treated me like normal. Then I started dating someone else, making the my rejection towards him "real" and that's when I was accused of leading him on and friend zoning him, so he ended up ignoring me.
3. The friend zone is sexist.
I'm not saying men have never been accused of putting someone in the friend zone, but I am saying it's way more common for women to be accused. I've had to deal with the wrath of the friend zone for several years, whether directly or indirectly. I've had guy friends I would consider some of my best friends completely stop talking to me just because I didn't like them back romantically.
Women get the negative stereotype of putting men in the friend zone all the time. What people don't understand is that women are put in the position of having to decide what actions our guy friends do are just friendly things or flirty things. Once we decipher their motives, we have then tell them we don't feel the same. If they haven't straight out told us that they like us, but we suspect they do, it's still our responsibility to tell them that we aren't interested. If not, we'll be accused of leading them on. Though they'll never be accused of abusing the friendship with ulterior motives. When we reject them, we also have to so it in a way that doesn't hurt their egos. After doing all that, there is still a very high chance we'll still be accused of "friend zoning" them.
4. No one owes you a relationship.
The whole concept of the friend zone is someone confesses their feelings for their friend and when they are rejected they start saying things like: "but I'm such a good friend to you," "I do so much for you," "I always buy you meals," etc. Your nice actions does not mean you are required to get something in return. Friendship shouldn't be used as a stepping stone to get what you really want: a relationship.
The friend zone is not real. Say it with me reader: the friend zone is not real!
