I suppose it’s time to do that thing. The thing that’s looking back on eight months worth of life and asking the hard hitting questions: what was profound about this? How did this year of all years change me? Did it change me? What were the highlights? What did I learn that will set me up for the rest of my life?
They say your first year of college changes you in ways that you never could have dreamed of during high school. They also say everything will happen that didn’t in high school: you’ll try new things and maybe fall in love. Yeah, so that second thing didn’t happen. At least, not the way you’d expect.
What I walk away from freshman year with is what I hope everyone can walk away from any experience with: positivity breathes positivity, even in the face of adversity.
And adversity isn’t always external, either.
I overdid it in some cases; to say the least. But I learned what that threshold is. It’s important to want to perform well, but I think the most notable thing I uncovered was that you have to take care of yourself, as well as everyone else. You can perform at 110% capacity, completing every task set before you academically and extracurricularly, but if you’re going home and crashing, cursing the skies “why did I take so much on?!” are you really performing at peak capacity?
Freshman year had me faced with Burnout, but also with some fantastic experiences that left me awake for days on end. I wouldn’t have done any of it differently, but I learned what not to do going forward. I learned to take days off, and sometimes it’s okay to disappear and turn off your phone.
Make your breaks true breaks! During Thanksgiving, I did this-- and I had a fantastic time just hanging out with friends from home and not having constant worry hang over my head. Yet, find me on Winter Break and Spring Break FREAKING OUT because I had taken on too much and didn’t have time to rest.
That’s the other thing, rest can take many different forms. It can be undertaking adventures of epic proportions with your friends, or it can be lying in bed reading a book all day and just being at one with yourself.
I also learned to find solace in the little things: the glitter that you find months after one day on set with a glitter jacket, the speckles of sunlight as the day breaks in Indio (at 104 degrees), thai food at 2am, cackling on the floor outside your dorm with friends, fantasizing about some fantastic love that will never be.
Some really amazing, gigantic things happened to me this year, and I won’t take any of that for granted. But, the little things, the little moments, are just as important.
I made some amazing friends, and also let some go. I learned how it’s important to put yourself first sometimes, but also when to sacrifice your own happiness, because now doesn’t last forever, and things can, and do, get better.
And sometimes, you have to move on. It’s important to know when to let things go. Sometimes you want something so, so bad, but taking a step back and reevaluating what’s most important to you is needed. Whether that’s going to Disneyland by yourself, or going home for the weekend and realizing your attention is needed elsewhere.
Moving on is scary. But hey, you made it this far. A whole year of being a pseudo-adult. With all the trials and tribulations, you made it through. And the next thing the world will throw at you? You’ve got that too.
Onto the next chapter, with only the distant stars as the limit.
