Fall semester is in full swing! Do you know what that means? Fresh starts, new leases on life, a chance to come back home to Knights country and show everyone just how cultured you became during your summer abroad in Spain.
We get it, Kim.
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Put it all together and you've got the best year ever, right?
Wrong. Absolutely not.
Do you know what is going to make it the best semester ever? The same thing that's made every semester the best since you first joined the ranks of some of the country's best and most heat-tolerant students here at UCF:
The food.
More importantly – fast food.
Don't lie to me. You're reading this right now and something that was not cooked by you is either in your lap getting your keyboard dirty or is in your general vicinity. No judgement. I understand you. In fact, I probably know you more than you think.
Below is a very scientific list I've compiled so you can finally understand what your go-to fast food joint on or around UCF says about who you are as a person.
You're welcome.
1. Chick-fil-A
You are a person. And people have needs. And sometimes (daily) you need to satisfy your needs by waiting 45 minutes for a chicken sandwich and the french fry equivalent of flannel. Because you know what? You deserve it. And so does everyone else that just got out of their 1:15 p.m. class.
2. Starbucks
Class got out 10 minutes early and you know if you power walk you'll get there before everyone else gets out of class and forms a line that goes out the door, fueling the capitalist fire that is corporate America and everything they stand for. Blindly throwing money at everything they create for fear of being rejected from society like lemmings throwing themselves off a cliff.
But also #PSL is back and those things are dope.
3. Einstein Bros. Bagels
You got lost trying to leave BA1 and thought "Eh, I've got time."
4. Subway
Someone doesn't like trying new things.
5. One of the 1,000+ Domino's
Social, first club meeting, fundraiser, 5K, trivia night, did I get them all? Maybe even personal! Remember. As Gandhi once said; "Every pizza is personal if you set your mind to it."
6. Dining Halls
You only went there once or twice because your parents thought it would be a good idea to buy a dining plan your freshman year. Or maybe, like me, you watched way too many college based-comedies in the early 2000s and wanted the same experience as Sydney White. Not to worry, your time wasn't wasted. You'll always have those couple of times you went in with someone you barely knew, got some ice cream and left. Plus the true name of Marketplace continues to separate the boys from the men.
Call it 63 South.
I dare you.
7. Huey Magoos
Couldn't brave the Chick-fil-A line so you tricked yourself into thinking Magoos is just as good simply because it's in the Union.
Well, it's not.
8. Dunkin' Donuts
America runs on a continuous sugar high that, if stopped all at once, would cause the cumulative sugar crash to literally kill you.
9. Jimmy John's
Your day, much like their slogan, is going by freaky fast and you need to be able to eat an entire meal in under 15 minutes. How else would you be able to accomplish that unless your order is done before you even pay. Bless.
10. Publix
You understand the importance of a good Pub sub. And even though you know YOUR Publix makes the best Pub sub, you'll make do until you're home.
11. Chipotle
The leader in all-natural fast casual, the starter of a revolution, my bae of all baes, Chipotle. You acknowledge the impact that sweet, sweet guac has made on yourself and the nation. If you're like me, the Chipotle app is installed and logged in on your phone, ready to order pick up at a moment's notice.
12. Qdoba
I'm sorry you don't have a car and cannot get to Chipotle.
13. McDonald's
It's fast and doesn't taste THAT much like cardboard. I'm proud of you for not letting the media change your opinions of an American classic.
However. I will never, for as long as I live, understand how it is always busy. I live right above McDonald's, I've pulled more than my fair share of all-nighters, and even at 4:18 a.m. on a Wednesday I look out my window and I see two cars in each drive-thru lane.
Incredible.
14. BurgerFi
You understand the importance of a good burger and were sad at the lack thereof (see above) until Plaza popped up and offered us a taste of the build-your-own lifestyle we've only dreamed of.
15. Tijuana Flats
It's Tuesday.
16. Lazy Moon
Looks like someone hasn't posted on Instagram in a few weeks and needs to prove to everyone from high school they're still going out and enjoying college life at the local hipster watering hole.
Whether it's a picture of your pizza next to your forearm to show just how crazy the size ...
Or a picture of you holding the slice in disbelief because it's "bigger than your head"...
See? Even I'm not above this trend. Although freshman Kelsi did recognize the irony.
Now you've successfully tricked everybody into thinking your life is a picturesque, VSCO cam dream and not what we all know it truly is; unforgiving and stressful. Not to mention this is the first time you've changed out of your pajamas in four days.
We were starting to worry.
17. Panera
Okay, no more messing around. You've procrastinated long enough and you're going to spend the afternoon studying. Enjoy that soup and green tea. You'll need it.
18. Bento
Okay, first date, nothing too serious. Did you meet in class? Get set up by mutual friends? Wait ... They paid for your BOBA?!?!
Get married. Now.
19. Blaze Pizza
Relatively new to the UCF scene, if you're in Blaze Pizza more than your own apartment you are either a) a person of excellent taste or b) myself or one of my roommates. Hand to God, walk in there, say you know Phil and every single employee is going to turn their heads and nod fondly thinking about their favorite customer. Or, most likely, they'll point to him eating his pizza since he's already been there every day this week.
20. Keke's
BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNCH.
