It came out of nowhere, this intense feeling I still can't seem to comprehend. It had only happened once prior to this year. In this year alone, this feeling-- this unexplainable experience-- has occurred twice already. I have known of my attraction to males since I was in elementary school. I can't think of a time when I didn't like boys. That feeling has always been there. However, there now have been two cases where I have developed a strong crush on a girl.
My heart started racing. Those cliche butterflies began to inhabit in my stomach. What was happening? Why do I have such an extreme attraction to this girl? I'm gay. I don't like girls. I was at a loss for words. This was different from any crush I had ever had on any boy. The difference was, this feeling was more potent and serene. Questions continued to flood my inconceivable mind. This inclined me to break down the aspects as to why I was drawn to this girl.
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I first thought to myself, or rather told myself for reassurance, that I was gay. From there I asked myself what it was about this girl that I liked so much. I concluded that I was intrigued by the way she spoke, her genuine and blooming personality, her exceptional music taste, and just the way she elegantly held herself in comparison to everyone else in the room. I wasn't sexually attracted to her, but I was emotionally attracted to the qualities that were apparent in her, that I seek to find in a male.
I had known prior to all this that sexuality is fluid. However, I never considered that I could ever be attracted to a female in any retrospect. I have come to terms with the fact that attraction doesn't necessarily have to revolve around one's sexuality. Attraction for another can come in many different forms. One does not have to be sexuality attracted to another to developed a meaningful connection. I identify as being gay, that's a given. This fact doesn't substitute that I can't still like girls in some particular way. The fact that this feeling can come across me and has possibly come across other people in their life time is extraordinary in itself.
