"To have been loved so deeply, even though the person loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever."— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
As someone who has recently loss a loved one, I decided to write this article on the five stages of loss, but it doesn't have to only be loss of a loved one. I found that these five stages apply to many things that happen to us as human beings. When we fail, when our heart breaks, and even when it's just something negative that has occurred to us. I'll admit I've done four of these once when a book character died. These five stages are different for everyone and the first four stages can happen in different orders. I once wrote a story around the idea of these five stages, and now I will share them with you. Here is my five stages of loss and six Harry Potter quotes to help you through it.
1. Denial
" Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times. If only one remembers to turn on light."-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
We deny that whatever has happened, has truly occurred. We we go into a state, even if it's only for a few seconds, where we won't believe that what has happened is real. We refuse to let reality sink in because once we admit it's true. It becomes real, and whether it's failing, heartbreak, and especially loss. The last thing that we want to do is admit that it's true, that it's real, and that this situation had happened to us.
2. Sadness
"Numbing the pain for awhile, will make it worse when we actually feel it." -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire
That's when the tears set in. We know it's true and the pain is too hard to take. We start thinking, and remembering, and that's when our chest burns, our throat tightens, our eyes become blinded by tears. We are sad, and rightfully so. Being sad is normal, and sometimes we are so sad we just feel empty and hallow and we don't feel much at all.
3. Anger
"It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince
Personally, after the sadness stage is the anger phase. I am left with question of 'Why' and in the case of loss the question of why is more precisely 'why them?' And in this case we do not have an answer, and because we don't have an answer, we feel rage. We feel become angry because life isn't fair, and it isn't right, and you just want to feel something other than sadness.
4. Regret/Guilt
"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love." Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows.
I have to admit this is more centered at me, because I know I personally wonder if there was anything I could have done better. Since we're left with 'why' we try to find an answer to that. Answers that sometimes fill us up with pain and regret. I think we've all felt guilt, and know that the constant over thinking on what we could have done, and what we could have change. It's overwhelming and probably the worst stage..
5. Acceptance
"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is live in you, Harry, and shows himself plainly when you have need of him."- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
Then we're done with mourning, and we accept what has happened. We may go through the stages again but we have finally accepted the lost. It's a bitter-sweet moment, but we realize we can't stay sad, mad, in denial, and even guilty forever. We have to move on but always remember. We should remember, so that they can live on in our hearts. So that they can live on in our memories for ever.
These stages differ from person to person, and others may experience different emotions, but these are the stages that i recently went through, and can speak on personally. Loss, no matter what we are losing, is a terrible thing, but we need to realize that we can't stay sad forever, because it's not healthy. No one would want their loved one to stay sad over their departure, so you have to move on and live your life for them and for yourself.
So if anything, take this one thing from my article:
"...But know this; The ones that love us never really leave us." -Sirius Black, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
