After my three-year relationship ended, I was distraught and found myself relating a lot to the five stages of grief. They are known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 10 months later I am ready to reveal the stages I went through, and how I finally got to the last stage.
The first few months, I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't a part of a routine anymore. It was as if the constant text messages, phone calls, dates, fights and makeups gave me a purpose. I was Mr. Krabs in that meme where his surroundings shake, because I was finally alone. How could I go on without someone I spent every free moment with? My thoughts would vary from, "I can't believe it's really over, three years gone" to "maybe in the future, we can find each other." Under the script of a love story you might find each other, however the reality is that you broke up for a reason.
I'd sit in my room trying to understand where we went wrong. It got to a point where I looked for answers from him. That only made it worse because our conversations had an infinite amount of issues. The only solution we came up with was to either get back together, or to forget about each other forever. I couldn't bare to be without him because he was so involved with my family, my friends, practically every aspect of my life. The questions I'd have to face after the breakup haunted my thoughts. He was "my person," and to see that he was slowly becoming no one tore me apart.
I thought maybe we could be friends right after we broke up so that the pain of letting go wouldn't hurt so bad. I was wrong. I began to think "well if we are friends, then maybe we could go out on some dates, kiss a little and whatever we can go on with our lives." I obviously had little recognition on what a break up consisted of. I was bargaining with feelings. When you break up with someone, you can't go through the five stages of grief with them. It is a personal obstacle that helps you recuperate. In order to be friends with your ex, you need time off from each other. This way you have time to gather what you want, and most importantly, be content with moving on.
I quickly became so disinterested in dating because I knew what it was like to have someone who "loved me." To the men, Madison did not have a personality, she had a body that spoke only for the eyes of a man who wanted one thing. Next to that, I had him repeatedly tell me "all that going out that you do, will do you no good. You're only going to find guys that want you for your looks, not for who you are. You want to live the single life." It was a constant battle between my mind and heart. Consciously, I knew that he was right about the men, but I also knew that going out with my girlfriends did not mean I was hunting for a husband. I wanted to explore my city, meet new people, create moments, while he wanted to stay comfortable. This was the start of an unravel in my own skin. He didn't agree with the lifestyle I wanted to follow, so I realized that for the best, I had to let go.
My life was only beginning, and it was up to me to get over how heartbroken I was. I wrongfully thought that I was in control of someone else's personality. However, you can't change the footsteps of someone who isn't you. The only way I accepted the time I wasted with him, was by realizing how much knowledge I was going to gain about myself. Independence is a beautiful thing and with it, it is possible to sweep yourself off your own feet. Stay True to You.
