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The Fisherman

A poem I wrote over two years ago

Skylar Spell

Apr 15, 2020

Missouri State University

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Before I share this poem with you, a little bit of a backstory is needed. This was written over two years ago, a time where Skylar was freshly single, and desperately broken inside.

That being said, this poem that I am about to share with you was exactly the headspace I was in two years ago. It is raw, rough, and not romanticized. The capitalization is all in lowercase to represent one thought, a manic flow of speech. I hope you enjoy "The Fisherman"

anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety

I can't seem to figure it out

anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety

shut the fuck up no one cares that you can't make it

you made the plans, got the people together, and you bail when people are about to show up

I need a hug, someone to hold me and put me first

putting myself out there for 20 years like a fisherman waiting for a fish to bite, but no luck

sick and tired of people grabbing my hook and dragging me so intensely that my boat flips over

I pray and I don't date and I get all A's in my classes and I ask for a sign and I am still in this skin

what if the ugly parts of me don't change? what if it stays? what if I am a monster?

there has to be a reason why no one has asked me to hang out and I just kinda get included

included and invited are two different things, but you already knew that.

being my own nemesis is so tiring, I am tired of feeling this way

anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety

This poem is something that I wrote over two years ago, and in no way represents the way I feel now. I realized the best way for me to deal with my anxiety was head on. What I mean by this is that instead of allowing my anxiety to bubble up and consume me, I try to complete something difficult, something I have to work very hard at in order to finish so I can prove to myself that I am in control of my own mind, body, and soul.

I felt the need to share this to maybe help someone out there who has felt the same way as I have. In times like these, it is especially important to put YOURSELF first. Whatever your mind tells you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Fisherman

A poem I wrote over two years ago

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83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

Because smiling gives you wrinkles.

1. “When I first met you, I thought you were a b*tch.”

2. Somebody asks you if you’re mad at them at least once a day.

3. You always look unamused. Even when you are very amused.

4. Anna Wintour is your spirit animal.

5. You are never approached by people who are tabling on campus.

6. You have to practice smiling before you get your photo taken.

7. The word “judgmental” is thrown at you on the daily.

8. You make people visibly uncomfortable in section by glancing at them.

9. Your parents thought that this was just part of a teenage phase, but this is actually just your face.

10. Your face could get you out of jury duty.

It hits hard in college.

1. Excitement of the final year

2. Trying to take easy classes to make it out alive

3. Does attendance count for a grade?

4. Skipping once won't hurt me

5. Wait that is due?

6. I'm just trying to graduate

7. I'll just do this assignment during my other class

8. Patiently waiting

9. Rejection

10. Accepting that you might have gotten a degree for nothing

11. Probably should have studied for that test

12. Sanity > class

13. Finally an acceptance letter

14. Oh yeah, finals

15. Graduating!

You might not see them everyday anymore, but you're still friends and your text messages prove it.

1. "Should I skip class today?"

2. "Did you hear ________ is engaged?"

3. "When are you coming home?"

4. "I finally talked to the cute guy in my science lecture."

5. GIFs, on GIFs, on GIFs.

6. "I saw the cutest puppy on my walk to class this morning!"

7. "Do you remember when we ________ at ________?"

8. "I miss you."

Sometimes these things are both necessary and inevitable.

1. Spending their money - when they actually don't have any.

2. Take naps. Lots of naps.

3. Staying up late binge-watching a Netflix show when you have an early class.

4. Skip a class to do something completely unnecessary.

5. Putting all your homework off for the night before it's due just so you can do nothing for a night.

6. Going out on a Thursday night when you have a test the next day.

7. Making impulsive decisions.

8. Write an important paper in one night.

9. Classifying Ramen as your main food group.

10. Going on late night food runs - and I mean really late.

11. Having more than 3 cups of coffee a day.

12. Doing really dumb, irresponsible things when out with your friends.

13. Finishing an entire show on Netflix in less than a week.

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