The first day of school is the same for everyone — no matter what age you may be. Whether it’s the first day of kindergarten, and you just learned how to tell time; or it’s the first day of your sophomore year of college, and you just learned how to skip class. We’re all doing the same thing: presenting the best version of ourselves. Sadly, the person we present on the first week of school, gradually morphs into the embarrassing, lazy, sub-par human being that we actually are.
First Day of School: “I’m going to wear my cutest outfit and put on makeup! Dress well, test well!”
Rest of the Year: “This T-shirt hasn’t been washed in a while, maybe if I spray some Febreze on it no one will notice.”
First Day of School: “So glad I spent $75 on this monogrammed planner. This way I can stay organized and on top of things all year long!”
Rest of the Year: “Oh no, this Germ-X just smudged my homework I had written on my hand!”
First Day of School: “I’m going to make an effort to get to know my classmates. They’d make great study partners, and who knows, I could end up making a life long friend!”
Rest of the Year: Classmate: “Man, that test was rough, huh!” Me: **pretends not to hear**
First Day of School: “My goal for the year is not to procrastinate and make sure I am prepared in advance for all my assignments!”
Rest of the Year: “I don’t need to study until the morning before ... I’ll have 15 whole minutes. That should be fine”
First Day of School: “I’m going to treat my teachers with the respect they deserve!”
Rest of the Year: **finds teacher on social media in order to laugh at their posts**
First Day of School: “I’m going to turn my phone off and leave it in my backpack. I don’t have time for distractions this year!”
Rest of the Year: **answers phone** “Hey girl! — No I’m not busy — I’m just sitting in class!”
First Day of School: “Eating healthier will help me to stay focused longer, and use my brain to the best of my ability. I’ll pack a granola bar in case I get hungry between classes!”
Rest of the Year: (whispering to classmates): “Hey, want one of these Cheetos?”
First Day of School: “Even though we live in such a technology-based world, my teacher is right, it probably would help most if I took all my notes by hand. That way, I’m retaining the information better as I write.”
Rest of the Year: **takes pictures on phone of five out of the 42 slides my teacher puts on the board**
First Day of School: “Although they are expensive, text books are a necessary learning tool for the course. This year I need to make sure to buy all of the required books.”
Rest of the Year: **uses book as hard surface to paint my nails on**
First Day of School: “This year, I want to make sure I get plenty of sleep. Being tired can have a negative effect on my school performance.”
Rest of the Year: At 4 a.m.: “Just one more episode”
First Day of School: “My parents were right, even though school is busy, I should still get a job this year. It’s a great way to prepare me for the real world.”
Rest of the Year: **noises sound from a crowded restaurant with friends** “Sorry mom and dad, I am just swamped. I don’t think I can handle a job this semester.”
First Day of School: “I’m going to start walking to class. Getting regular exercise as my form of transportation will do wonders for me physically and mentally!”
Rest of the Year: “Hey will someone give me a ride to class? I forgot where I parked my car.”
So, to everyone, whether you’re on that first day high, or last day slump: good luck out there—and don’t forget your number 2 pencils.
