Today is my first day of college. My first time at a new school after kindergarten. My first time in a place, surrounded by people I do not know, on a campus I do not recognise. I am alone.
While I thought it would be overwhelming or maybe even eye-opening, it isn't. All it is is alone. Not lonely. Not sad. Not scary. Just alone.
It is the first time in all my eighteen years that I have been truly alone and at peace with it. There are people all around me, engaging in conversations, hugging, laughing, discussing their schedules.
An old friend walks up, someone I know. It takes me a moment to recognise him and respond. It's weird to see someone that I've known since middle school now, after not seeing anyone I've recognised in weeks. We talk for a little while before he hops up and is walking around again.
I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a revelation of some sort. Maybe some hidden courage to walk up and talk to someone else first. Maybe some fearlessness or a reason for being as shy as I am. Maybe, just maybe, something to change the way I live my life. But no. The only thing I have received today was peace.
I'm still not talkative, I'm still shy, and I'm still me. I haven't talked to anyone new, nor has anyone new talked to me. Sure I smile, but after all, I'm sitting here with my head buried in a computer typing this article. It's no surprise that no one comes up and bothers you if you seem like you're working.
I only have one class today, Art History, and having arrived an hour and a half early– to "settle in" as my mother calls it– I sit down to type this. At least I know I'll be with other people in my major; I'll see some faces that smile back with the same colourful and creative features as mine. There will be common ground, more than I've ever known in someone my age. There could be new friends, coworkers, and enemies sitting in this very same room. That thought excites me.
There are so many possibilities, but it is hard to say for sure what exactly will happen. It's a bit weird, to be honest. To have so many options right at your grasp, when all you've ever known is everything being prepared for you. It's exciting and nerve-wracking all at the same time.
Tuesday begins, I wake up just before my alarm goes off, I park in a different lot, walk to a different building, twenty minutes before my class. I thought I would get lost today, so I gave myself extra time. A friendly senior stops her bike as I stand, looking up at a map. She asks if I need help and quickly points me in the right direction.
Help is right there if you need it. And while many would say that this world is what you make of it, I know better. Yes, I realise that I have so many options, and so many possibilities, all waiting for me to make my choice, but I have a path set for me. There is a plan in place; a plan my parents and my God have been writing for me, placing in front of me. All of my choices wash away when I see what He has planned for me, leaving me with only one: trust.
To trust in my God to get me through college and begin the life He wants for me is what I must choose. I am not alone, for my God is with me. And every other option pales in comparison.
