I've spent most of my life putting others before me. I figure if I can help someone feel better about themselves it will make me feel better as well. However, my time has become increasingly limited and I have over stretched myself. I can't take the time to really listen to people any more and I think that has contributed to my negatively growing demeanor.

I tend to put on the illusion of a happy person because I don't like being vulnerable and I'm not one who easily trusts. However, I have this incessant need to have people like me. This unfortunately makes it difficult to fully be myself around people. I have spent so much time worrying about what others think of me that I have spent very little time actually enjoying the world around me.

I am afraid that one day this is all going to be too much and I'm going to break. I don't want that to be my life. I think anyone wants that life. However, how do you stop doing something you've been doing for most of your life. I don't want to let anyone down but I can't just let myself wither into nothingness. So how do you change without losing yourself?