This winter, everyone's been talking about one movie and one movie only: John Crowley's impeccably photographed Brooklyn. Personally, I have pretty mixed thoughts on it; yes, I liked the style and set pieces, and Saoirse Ronan is an amazing actress (even if she is known for working with that hack, Wes Anderson). The one question of course, is one of ethics: is 2015 the right time to make a movie about an Irish immigrant in idealistic 1950s New York?

Okay fine, I also saw Star Wars. It was alright.

Joking aside, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is simply the hardest movie to make of all time. The hype is impossible to live up to, the merchandise profit alone is bigger than the GDP of several countries, and George Lucas wasn't involved at all.

I'm sure someone will write a comprehensive review on the phenomenon that is this film and this series. In fact, I'm certain a lot of someones already have. Because I'm not that talented and my opinion doesn't actually matter, I've decided to just give Disney some alternate titles for the DVD release.

Star Wars: The Omnibus

Maybe I'm getting old, but does everything ever need to happen in this movie? I could make the argument that A New Hope had like five things happen and they all relate to Luke: he is sent the droids by Leia, the Stormtroopers kill his guardians and force him to move out, he goes to the death star with Han and Obi Wan, his mentor is killed, and he blows up the death star. Pretty simple space fantasy.

But at the same time, that's just the way that action movies used to be. Big, iconic stuff happened to big, iconic dudes. That's not saying that was necessarily always good, because "simple" is a synonym for "stereotype." And anyone who looks back at Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom with a clean colonial conscience may not be considering the movie as it actually is.

I'd love to see a Star Wars movie that's 85 minutes long and is just about stuff Daisy Ridley does or stuff that is done to her. But that's just me.

Star Wars: The Jedi Chronicles

To lose all of my non-existent nerd cred all at once, I didn't like Lost. I'm a simple person, and I like simple things. And there was so much in this movie that was too convoluted for me to care about all at once (again, that's what happens when you have seven main characters. Six, if you don't count Luke.)

That being said, I followed everything perfectly. I'm not saying it wasn't legible or that J.J. writes badly, I'm just saying it wasn't for me.

Star Wars: Escape from the Old Folks Home

The thing is, neither Carrie Fisher nor Harrison Ford are bad actors. Actually, I thought Ford put on the best performance he has in years, maybe since Air Force One. It's just that they're not Princess Leia and Han Solo any more, no matter how much the movie (and probably Disney's marketing machine) wants them to be. I liked how both of their arcs went (Leia driven towards the cause she loves, Han waving loose as a washed-up failed father), but there was just something weird about it all.

Sad truth is, you can't go home again. It's just not the same, and I don't think it should be. (Also Mark Hamill doesn't even show up, but damn, he looks good compared to how he did before being cast!)

Star Wars: Poetry in Motion

Remember when this shot was in that trailer, and we all realized Star Wars was going to be super kinetic? Well it is, and it looks great.

Maybe it's just because I'm being cynical after the prequels (particularly Episode I: The Static Camera Menace), but I do love me a dynamic movie. Sometimes it got a little too smooth and veered away from actually being cinematic, but that isn't a big deal breaker.

Star Wars: The Budget Bubble Pops

This movie looks like it costed a lot ($200 million, if I'm not mistaken). And gosh, it showed up beautifully a lot. I didn't want beautiful out of this movie, and I'm still curious how it would have looked if it had been as gritty and dirty as the original trilogy. I appreciate the amount of effort that people put into making it look worn, but it still all just felt a little too clean.

Gimme a Star Wars that was filmed in 3 weeks for $200,000 with models and project it on a dirty gray sheet in my basement and I won't say mean things about your pets and extended family.

Star Wars: New Kids Attack the Block

God, the new actors are so talented! John Boyega is incredible, even if some of the comedy does feel a little weird and exploitative. Daisy Ridley is by far the most engaging female character the series has seen since Leia in Empire, and her acting chops also show strongly through. Add that to the fact that she plays a strong, independent woman who repeatedly rejects everyone and everything she doesn't like, and you have my vote any day. Even Oscar Isaac was pretty cool in my opinion, even if I couldn't see him as anything except Llewyn Davis. The one person I feel like was lightly miscast was Adam Driver, who I don't think really has enough gravitas to play the ultimate villain when the series eventually comes to that point. And to be fair, he played a pretty good conflicted millennial given the lines he was working with.

Star Wars: The Second Golden Age

Overall, I'm really excited to see where good ol' J.J. takes the series, and I think what will become one of the most financially successful movies of all time will change the face of modern cinema. I'm looking forward to seeing copycats hijack his fun dynamic style, his convoluted storytelling style, and yes, even those damn lens flares.