Not too much unlike anything and everything in life, it always seems as if the best of things and times go by so quickly.
Of course, being home from college is no exception to this rule. After all, who wouldn’t want to escape the harsh realities of college life and work in order to relax and to spend time with family, friends, and loved ones? Additionally, and perhaps to no surprise, it seems the longer that you are home, the harder it is to go back. With this in mind, the end of Winter break is probably one of the hardest things to come to terms with. As I write this article, I have less than a week left until I pack up my things and leave home all over again for the second semester of my freshman year at Fredonia.
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Oddly enough, I can’t tell if I feel better or worse than I did when I left for the first semester, the major factor being that I was then going in blind. That is, I had no idea what I was in for, and was experiencing fear of the unknown more than anything. Now, I know what being away is like, and frankly, even though I made it through, it was pretty rough for me. Luckily, I didn’t flunk any classes or lose my mind entirely, but being away opened a lot of new emotional doors for me that I didn’t expect to ever encounter, and it was the farthest thing from easy for me. As you can imagine now, I fear that I will once again lose the feeling of security that I somewhat gained back while I was at home.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that as I experience more of college and get more used to being away on my own, I will most likely gain a feeling of “home away from home,” but as a freshman, everything is still pretty new to me. Sure, when I get back I won’t have to find friends or get used to the idea of getting around campus like I had to during the first semester, but overall, I know that my adjustment to the idea of being away from home is not over.
Since I was a child, I have always been a pretty family-oriented person. I always felt best when I was surrounded by people that I loved and could trust. Now that I am away at college most of the time, it is obvious that I no longer have my family by my side all the time. Sure, I can call or text any of them whenever I need, and they do make the occasional visit, but this is a far cry from living in the same house on a constant basis. Of course, this independence has it’s pros and cons. I enjoy not having to answer to anyone most of the time, but I also do miss the idea of having the automatic in person support system that I grew up with. Living without that for the first time often feels reminiscent of having a rug pulled out from under me. Maybe not everyone relies on their family for emotional support as I do, but for me, this was a big change that I wasn’t expecting to be so impacted by. That is, I was raised by my parents to be independent and self sufficient, but this is the first time that I have ever really had to apply this to a very real life situation.
The next thing that makes this hard for me is that I have to be away from my significant other. I never imagined being in a long distance relationship, but once I got into one, I never expected it to be as difficult as it has been. Being away has not only been hard in the fact that I miss my boyfriend, but it has also caused me to question a lot about myself, much of which is crucial to my romantic life. Being home has made me more confident in the fact that I still have feelings for him, but the first semester was not easy on either of us. At least now I can go back with an air of confidence that we’ll be okay, but I also have the fear that I may not feel as secure once I arrive back at school and get lost in the routine of things again. I suppose that’s only a natural fear when it comes to anything, but it’s especially hard to deal with when it’s not only your heart and your feelings on the line.
Overall, I am bit disappointed with how quickly winter break flew by. It is my hope that I will be able to feel a bit better during the second semester and bring a bit of that home feeling with me. Going to college isn’t an easy adjustment, and breaks are definitely needed to keep us sane (or me, anyway), but if we were always home or always on break, we wouldn’t be students to begin with. I know there’s a reason why I’m doing this, it’s just a matter of time before everything is in the right perspective for me. I know I’m not alone, as everyone who goes to college has their own struggles, especially while getting off the ground at the beginning of each semester.
Here’s to the second semester!
