If you're reading this, a relationship you never thought would end is probably over now.
We always tell ourselves that the love that we have, it is different, it will last forever. We make promises, plan on families and children and meet each other’s families and share everything. It starts to feel like you never lived without them, that the rest of your life is obvious, that there is no option. Despite our optimistic hopes, despite our comfort and our good days, it doesn’t always last forever. Sometimes, the bad days outnumber the good days, sometimes, the fights seem so constant, get so much longer and angrier. At some point, you let each other go to bed angry, you haven’t had a date night in months.Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. And at the end of years with someone, their absence will affect your entire life.
Chances are, the person that you spent years in a relationship with was more than just your romantic partner, but also your best friend. You probably spent most of your time together, and you definitely developed routines. Silly things like brushing your teeth together every night, going to the laundromat together, never watching forward in your show without each other, all become more meaningful once they’re gone. You might not have even realized that there were so many things that you did with them, or things that you relied on them for. Suddenly, getting up on the chair to change a light bulb becomes daunting, and it’s like you don’t remember how to grocery shop without constantly tugging at their sleeve and showing them things. You have to learn how to cook for one. You have to do laundry less often. You don’t have a built in buddy to go to shops and attractions and events with. You don’t have someone to wake up every morning and talk to. You’re on your own, and that’s okay.
Regardless of whether they ended it or you did, it’s a huge adjustment, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. Yeah, there will be some sad days, but you’ll be single, and that brings its own perks. In the next few months, probably several of these things will happen to you: you’ll make a new friend, get closer to your other friends, have a few girls or guys nights in, talk to someone new(even if it’s not serious), learn how to cook for one, go out for a meal by yourself (and enjoy the silence), sleep diagonally across the bed, start a new show on Netflix and binge it by yourself all night, do something that you were afraid of being judged for before, make yourself look hot and take selfies without actually going anywhere, dance around to music that your ex hated, get used to saying the word ‘ex’, clean your entire house and decorate it just the way you want, treat yourself to something that you wouldn’t normally spend money on. It might happen gradually, or it might be a sudden realization, but you will accept that you are a single person, and you‘ll allow that to be your identity anymore, you’ll no longer be part of a team, and you can look after just yourself, without the worry of another person. It sounds daunting now, as you lay in bed and eat cold food and cry over old pictures. We’ve all been there. It gets better.
You might even get to like it. Yes, you read that right. You’ll figure out some things about yourself, you’ll think about yourself and take care of yourself. You’ll get used to being alone, and it’ll seem less weird, and you’ll be excited about your new freedom and the things you never tried before. You’ll be okay, and you’ll forge your own identity again, and you’ll delete all the photos, and you’ll be okay. Don’t be ashamed to be alone, it’s not a sign of weakness or deficiency. Don’t be afraid to enjoy being alone; take some time to yourself, get to know yourself, fall in love with yourself, because you are the most constant thing in your life, and there will always be other people to spend time with.
