There is no pain like losing a love one too soon. Everyday you come across things that remind you of that person. Whether it’s tv show, a present they bought for you, or when Facebook decided to just torture you by bringing up the days “memories” of posts and pictures they tagged you in, you wonder if it’ll ever get any easier. To be honest, I can’t answer that question because I don't know. I’m currently still experiencing the grief of losing someone so near and dear to my heart, and as the holiday seasons are in full swing I feel as if it’s only more difficult to deal with. It’s plain and simple, holidays suck now. But I write this article for everyone who is sitting at that family Christmas table this year, fighting back tears looking at the empty seat next to them. Everything will be okay.
Ten months ago I lost my Aunt who was battling cancer. Wow, ten months. That’s pretty mind-blowing, it feels like yesterday I was woken up at 7 a.m. by the most devastating phone call of my life. My aunt and I relationship was like no other. She was not only my aunt, but my best friend…my second mother…my everything. What makes it so difficult is I don't know who to tell all my secrets to now, go on shopping sprees with, or have sleepovers where neither of us make it through the movie we’re watching because we fall asleep… and that’s what’s the hardest, knowing I’ll never be able to do those things with her again.
Another thing that’s extremely hard, and I think anyone who’s lost a family member can agree, are the holidays. A time that should be full of joy, happiness, and family, is now just a time of sadness and recollection. You begin to reminisce on when they were here, what they’d be saying, what they be doing. All the little embarrassing things that you use to hate, like the pulling out of the video camera, you would give absolutely anything for them to do that one more time. I just got through my first thanksgiving without my aunt, and this is going to be my first Christmas without her by my side. Knowing that there will be no annual picture with her in front of the tree just absolutely kills me inside. I cried just the other day when I came to the realization that she was not going to be here for my 21st birthday. This is the first time it’s really hit me. All the plans we made for it, how she was so excited to take me out and buy me my first “legal” drink. Now what? How am I supposed to celebrate without my best friend. Which I can’t help but think to myself… Does it get any easier?
For everyone going through something similar to what I am, you're not alone. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes but what I found to be the most beneficial is remembering the good times. The memories that are unforgettable, that make you laugh and smile, that’s the way they should be remembered. So whether it’s an old voice mail, a text message, or a card you got from them in the mail 5 years ago for your birthday… read it. Remember them how they would want you to remember them. Keep their spirits alive during the holiday season, and keep their traditions going for generations to come… Because that’s what they would have wanted you to do. So just remember when you're looking at that empty spot at the dinner table, that it’s not actually empty. They will always be there as long as you keep them in your heart and in your life.
I love you Aunt Bonnie, and I hope I'm making you proud each and every day.
7.17.55 - 2.19.16
