Oh, the dreaded "V" word. Before your mind wanders too far into the gutter, allow me to clarify: Valentine. This nine letter word has the power to raise the sales of local Walgreens (which has been stuffing plush toys and boxed chocolates down your throat since January 1st), empty wallets, increase the attendance of chick flicks in theaters, and heighten the stress levels of active participants of the "holiday" by so much, you'd think they're counting down to a root canal. If you find yourself biting off manicures, asking your mom what to buy that special friend, or stalking Facebook accounts for that cutie in that one class with the blonde hair who you think name starts with C, have no fear because I have the ultimate guide to surviving February 14th.

For "that couple"

As for you, I have little advice. Most likely this isn't your first rodeo. You've survived this date without imploding and annoyed the single individuals for numerous years on end. You are the epitome of #relationshipgoals. If you still stress over this date...you may want to reevaluate your life. Because if you can't handle V-day as a couple at this point, chances are you won't be able to handle the actual important days in your lives. You have spent enough time together to realize that there isn't anything more special about this day than any other day that you spend together. The only difference is that this date is printed on a Hallmark card. Just a thought. I apologize if I just took the relationship out of #relationshipgoals for numerous couples. But, keep doing you. If you want to lay in bed and watch Netflix with empty pizza boxes surrounding you, good for you. If you want to have a romantic date because that's your tradition, you do you. Most likely you have it figured out.

For Everyone Else

If you classify yourself within the hordes of lonely, bitter people who resent the day and everyone celebrating it, you're not alone. There are plenty of cupid haters to go around. If you have tried all of the classic online dating sites, like eHarmony, Match.com, and FarmersOnly, but none of them have yielded you any tall, gorgeous, and intelligent matches, or any at all for that matter, you're in luck. Here are some killer tips to land yourself a special someone when February 14th rolls around.

1. Acquire Some Killer Pick Up Lines

To really hook a real catch, make sure you have some awesome pickup lines in your repertoire. Here are a few examples my friend has found so effective that she's not engaged to be married. Remember the more you use in one conversation the better the results. Try:

I'm just a love pirate looking for some booty

Are you a beaver, cause damnnn!

If you were a transformer, your name would me mega-fine

You can call me Nemo because I'm not afraid to touch your butt

Your body is wonderland and I want to be Alice

And my personal favorite:

Are you Tom Hardy in "The Revenant?" Because I would totally walk hundreds of miles with frostbite and sleep inside a horse carcass if it meant I could see you one more time. (How could they say no?)

Remember to stare them lovingly in the eyes while presenting these lines of endearment

2. Be Alluring

Remember to up the ante when it comes to dressing for class and extra-curricular activities, like frat parties and sporting events. Maybe even mix a little red into the wardrobe. Or from the mouth of Elle Woods, "bend and snap!" Maybe even add a subtle nod and grin. Works every time.

3. Reach Out Through Social Media

Change your status on Facebook passive aggressively; “Ugh…I wish someone would buy me chocolates. Now,” "really in the market for a new relationship status...so lonely." Everyone will love you for it and they’ll feel extremely sympathetic and they’ll ask you what’s wrong and then someone will ask you on a date.

4. Join a Highly Respected Dating Site

Try Tinder. In your profile, say you’re not looking for much, just an immediate spouse and a way to procreate.

5. Focus On Improving Yourself to Draw Someone In

Consider going to a gym with highly attractive members. Go to the weight section and make really loud noises during each exercise that you do so they know you're trying really hard to make yourself bigger and better. When someone stares or even approaches to ask if something’s wrong, take that as their way of telling you that they are single and interested in dating you. Remember to always look your best, because that will show your abilities.

6. Be persistent

Nothing shows endearment better than 18 wrong number calls, 5 random texts, 2 silent voicemails, a follow request, and hiding in bushes.

7. Consider Other Options

Maybe the relationship vibe isn't for you. You can try by a body pillow to cuddle, dating your fridge, buying Kraft Singles so everyone gets the picture, girls night, cats, or a restraining order. Whatever floats your boat and makes February 14th the best day of the year for you.

8: Don't Listen to Me

Valentines Day literally takes up .3% of your year. In the grand scheme of things, it's most likely not going to matter the minute the party favors are replaced with Easter baskets; which will occur promptly on February 15th. This day is what you make of it. Valentines day isn't about the gifts you buy, who gets the biggest bear or bouquet of roses, or who can post the cutest pictures on social media. These things can be a special bonus, but V-Day should really be about being around those you love and care about. It doesn’t have to be about someone who changes your relationship status. It can simply be a best friend, roommate, sister, brother, or just someone important to you. Valentines day is about the people who make you feel special and happy on the days without a Hallmark endorsement, Valentines day is meant to be spent with the ones you love, no matter the title, even Netflix. Whatever makes you happy. So even if you came out of the womb salty over this holiday, like most people, remember you're not alone and it's just another day.