Since the day I was born, my personality has never changed. I have always been that bubbly girl who likes to talk to everyone and make others feel included. The girl who you can text at 11:00pm on a Sunday night to go out to the bars and will probably already be at Kildare’s singing karaoke. The girl who always has a smile on her face even during the roughest times. The girl who will say the stupidest things just to make another person laugh. I’m the type of person that doesn’t mind being the center of attention or being in front of a crowd. I’m probably the first to volunteer for something even if I have no idea what I’m doing because I’m always ready to try new things.
Even though it seems like there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, the outgoing, fun friend is not always the role I want to play. It takes its toll after a while.
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I’ve been called many adjectives throughout my days including: funny, crazy, hyperactive, energetic, friendly, extrovert, optimistic, caring, weird, overwhelming, too much, loud, annoying, fake, and over the top. As you can see, these aren’t all positives. While I liked who I was and the things I did, not everyone else did. I made enemies in high school with people because they thought I was a fake person because I was nice to everyone. I wouldn't get invited out sometimes because I was “annoying.”
At one point, I probably had more guy friends in high school than girlfriends. This caused problems for any relationship I was in because they always thought I was being “flirty” towards them. This was never the case. I always acted the same way towards my guy friends that I did towards my girlfriends, but because they were guys, it became a problem. People just assumed I was flirting because of the friendliness of my personality. Even if I would go to off campus events or conferences for the clubs I was involved in, I would act the same towards everyone and try to include as many people regardless of their gender. But, people saw it as flirting.
I have also been called annoying or irritating more times than I can count. If I had a dollar for every time I was called annoying to my face or behind my back, I don’t know how much money I’d have, but it’d be high up there. I’m the one you would call “the weird friend.” I make random noises that I sometimes don't even mean to make, I can make the ugliest faces, and I can get really loud. This doesn’t appeal to every crowd, so I’ve heard the word annoying a lot throughout my life. After a while of hearing it, it really gets discouraging. There have been times where I’ve completely shut down because I didn't want people to not like me for who I was. I hate when people don't like me, so I just stopped being my usual self at one point. However, now I’ve learned that as long as I love myself, it doesn't matter if people think I’m annoying.
You can also never have a bad day when you’re the happy, fun friend. Last summer, I came to work after having a bad day. I wasn't putting off a negative vibe, but I also wasn't smiling. This concerned my coworkers because that was completely unlike me. That being said, everyone knew I was having a bad day and kept asked what was wrong. I don't like talking about my problems to people unless I really feel it’s necessary. That being said, I feel like I constantly need to have a smile on my face or act silly even when I don't want to because that’s my role.
Even with these downfalls, though, I love who I am and I will never change that. My friendliness helps me to make new friends and my weirdness helps keep things exciting. I may be annoying, but I’m proud to be because that’s who I am. Just remember not to be worried if one day I’m not smiling. We all need our bad days every once in a while.
