The Downfall Of Being The Dependable Friend | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

The Downfall Of Being The Dependable Friend

Someone needs to teach me how to say, "No."

575
The Downfall Of Being The Dependable Friend

I saw a quote on Tumblr that reads, "The problem with putting other people first; you've taught them that you come second." I'm not the type of person to take Internet musings to heart, but this quote, in particular, struck a chord with me, and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since.

I've always considered myself the type of person who would help anyone else in need. Maybe it was my Christian upbringing, or maybe I'm just a really good-natured person.

Yeah, even as I write that, I know it's just a bunch of bull. I figured out at a very young age that when you weren't pretty, smart, funny or well liked, people liked you a hell of a lot more when you were of use to them.

We're all familiar with that pattern: nerdy kid offers to do the popular kid's homework in the hopes of being invited to that party or getting to sit with them at lunch.

What we seldom see is the underbelly of this logic. It creates a doormat out of a person, and before you know it, that nerdy little kid is an adult who can't tell someone no.

That isn't to say that every good action is out of this form of self-retribution to keep yourself included in social circles. I am, at heart, a person who wants to do good for the help of others because that is the way I want to act.

But very quickly, other people can abuse that privilege. Because when you're known as being dependable or helpful, that's eventually all you become known for.

It's happened to me way too many times, something that started off as a kind gesture quickly turns into a demand, and when that demand can no longer be met, you're not of use to anyone anymore.

People I've known over the years have come to know me as the 'willing to do anything for them' type, but what I didn't realize in setting up this archetype for myself, that would become to the sole lens through which I would be viewed.

Sure, I'll stay up all night and talk you through your problem. Absolutely, I'll read something for you. Need an errand run? Need a wing-man? Homework help? Not a problem. No problem at all.

But yeah, it was a problem, because people eventually stopped coming to me for anything besides help.

It's really painful, honestly, to know that you're nothing but helpful to people you thought you shared a closer bond with. The worst part is, these people fail to see you as a person, and don't stop to think about your needs the way they do theirs.

Even though this comes off as depreciating and whiney, it wasn't meant to be that way. The opposite, really.

After all, the only one I have to blame for this is myself.

I'm the one who perpetuates the "helpful friend" label, and I'm the person who enables that kind of treatment, refusing to speak up when I need to and letting it continue.

I want to please people. I want to help them. But at the same time, I'm the one responsible for learning that sometimes I can't do everything that's asked of me and I have to accept that sometimes it may not be an acceptable answer.

Difficult? Yes, but it's OK.

This is nobody's issue but my own. I just have to learn to be able to say, "No."

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Taylor Swift in orange dress playing a moss-covered piano on stage with bright lights.

A three-and-a-half-hour runtime. Nine Eras. Eleven outfit changes. Three surprise songs. Zero breaks. One unforgettable evening. In the past century, no other performer has put on an electric performance quite like Taylor Swift, surpassing her fans ‘wildest dreams’. It is the reason supporters keep coming back to her shows each year. Days later, I’m still in awe of the spectacle ‘Miss Americana’ puts on every few days in a new city. And, like one of Taylor’s exes, has me smiling as I reminisce about the memories of the night we spent together.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

A Few Thoughts Every College Freshman Has

The transition into adulthood is never easy

23451
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
Students walking on a sunny college campus with trees and buildings.

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

9789
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Power of Dressing Up

Why it pays to leave the hoodie at home.

7097
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments