I’ve had a few relationships in my life, some have been wonderful and full of excitement and love, and others were toxic and awful. After a while, you don’t realize how much these relationships can affect the mindset that you have about yourself. You get use to being complimented on your looks and how you physically present yourself, rather than your mind and soul.

A few weeks ago, I was out with my friend “Sarah” at a bar just talking and having a good time. Sarah and I have been best friends since middle school and she is more like family to me than anything. Later that night she invited her childhood friend “David” to join us and catch up since it had been so long since we have seen him. Mind you, he’s had a crush on Sarah for a few years now and has only remained just friends. So we all were talking and having a good time, when out of the blue David asked what my opinion was of him and Sarah dating. Now, I don’t know David very well, he’s really closer to Sarah than he is to me. I was stunned at the frankness and wasn’t quite sure what to say. He proceeded to talk about himself and how they’ve known each other forever and yada-yada-yada. However, he didn’t once actually bring up any traits that actually contributed to the conversation. He was telling her she was beautiful and his friend for so long, and every time I actually tried to give my opinion of him based on their past outfalls, he would interrupt me and try to cover those up.

Finally, after hearing him for 20 straight minutes (when I’m the one who is actually supposed to be talking), I finally interrupt him. Ha. Take that. I simply say, “You’ve been speaking for quite awhile now on points that really have nothing to do with the question that you asked me. You asked what my opinion is of you and Sarah dating, when really, my opinion has no matter. What matters is Sarah’s happiness. So you tell me this: What makes you think that you are good enough for her? Give me and Sarah one very good reason why you think that you should date her?”

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, the boy just sat there with his mouth open and couldn’t actually give me an answer. Sarah and I sat there looking at him, patiently waiting but no response came from him.

1. A true man will give you an answer to the question about why you should date him.

2. A true man will never make you feel inferior to him just because you see things differently.

3. A true man will take care of you, not materialistic wise, but your soul and well-being.

4. A true man will push you to strive and better yourself and never hold you back.

5. A true man will communicate. He speaks his mind, always.

6. A true man will protect his loved ones.

7. A true man will commit fully to the relationship.

8. A true man will always respect you.

These are just a few traits that real men will have and are what make up healthy relationships. If we want a serious relationship that is going to last a long time, we have got to stop allowing ourselves to date guys like David. We need to start by seeing how the man will step up and communicate how he really feels. We can’t expect guys to change for us because 99.9 percent of the time, it isn’t going to happen. We just have to all be patient and willing enough to search for what we truly deserve, and if the guy can’t give you a reasonable explanation as to why he thinks that he would be a benefit to your life, then maybe that is your answer right there.