I continuously hear from many people that they don’t feel happy anymore or that life isn’t going where they want it to be going and that gets them really down but they don’t try to do anything about it. I’m not talking about clinical depression or any sort of mental illness, I’m more focused on the people that lose sight of the big picture and tend to be very embedded in their negativity and problems.
A lot of the time, people allow their problems to control them as opposed to taking control of the situation. That’s where people start to lose sight of the fact that they themselves control their happiness. (Yes, happiness is a choice!) and so I thought I’d give my two-cents on how to be more open to happiness.
1. I’m very mindful of my energy — what you put into the universe is what you’re going to get back.
As Tom Shaydac said, “Newton’s third law [of motion] or karma—however, each of us chooses to name it—is something I’ve been aware of for years. I call it cause and effect: The energy that you put into the world comes back. In other words, the fruit is in the seed. You can’t sow an apple seed and expect to get an avocado tree. The consequences of your life are sown in what you do and how you behave.”
Being completely realistic, you won’t be happy every moment of your life–accept that. But that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy, it’s what you make of life. One huge thing is always remaining positive in every kind of situation. I personally am a very very very anxious person and I get stressed out very easily but I’ve gotten better at looking at situations and handling situations.
I always remind myself that I’ve been in tough situations before and I’ve gotten through it, what makes this time any different? I also try to focus on the positive because I really believe that if you put out positive thoughts, that’s what you’re going to get. If you go in with a negative mindset, only negative things will happen.
This also goes a long way with people. If you feel drained or exhausted or “not right” around certain people, trust your energy — it doesn’t lie. Good people uplift you, they don’t become a burden to you. You are not responsible for them, you’re responsible for you.
Another problem is that many people spend too much time dwelling on things that can’t be changed so they fail to move forward. The truth is that life doesn’t ever stop so therefore you shouldn’t either. Life will throw so much at you, but it’s up to you to decide where you want to spend your energy.
I’ve also realized that people that tend to be negative CREATE so many of their own problems — half the time it’s in their heads. Listen, there are many things that you won’t ever have control over so why dwell on it? Why give that situation any more attention than it needs? It WILL drain you. Your energy is precious, protect it and use it strategically.
My mom gave me a wonderful example of how much negativity can affect your life without knowing. Take the example of going to work. A negative person would think about how much their life sucks because of how early they’re waking up, how horrible the traffic is going to be, how much they hate my boss, how they don’t want to be at work all day, how they have to go through traffic on the way back again and that train of thought is just so exhausting (And it’s only like 7:30 a.m.). If you’re starting your morning like this, no wonder you hate your life, it’s exhausting.
Through this mindset, any task can become such a chore and you don’t want your life to become a struggle. Instead, try to find the good in the bad and you’ll feel a lot better–trust me.
2. Stop trying to achieve everything all at once; stop trying to chase perfection, stop trying to please everyone. You’re going to burn out.
Brene Brown said it best:
“Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it’s about earning approval and acceptance.”
I think that holds very true because most people are always comparing themselves to other people’s expectations.
If you keep trying to please other people, you’re never going to be happy because there is no way you can cater to everyone all the time. You need to establish your goals for yourself because if you’re not looking out for your happiness, who is?
Additionally, people always chase this idea of perfection that just doesn’t exist in reality. No one and no one thing will make you happy, but YOU. You are only happy when you choose to be happy. The choice is yours, it’s not tied to material things and attaining certain things.
Think about it, people put in so much time and effort to ace a test but then weeks after the test, they’re not thinking so much about how happy they felt.
3. Take some time to be alone; if you don’t, your happiness is always going to rely on people.
“Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one person you can count on living with for the rest of your life.” — Ann Richards
And tying your happiness to someone can be temporary and is subject to change. You never know which people will stay and go in your life so you need to be okay with or without them.
Your inner peace shouldn’t depend on who is around you, but rather it should come from within you because that’s when you’re rooted so deep in your own foundation and I think that’s really beautiful.
I know people that can’t be alone and constantly need to be surrounded by people or a certain someone. The reality is that you’re going to have to face many things in life alone, so might as well enjoy your own company — find joy in it.
It’s always really nice detaching away from everything going on around you to find a new perspective. You’ll also get to understand yourself better which will only add to the growth of your happiness.
4. Own your mistakes & move on from them (!!!)
People tend to hold onto their past very tightly (for many various reasons) and they tend to forget that they’re allowed to move on. But you need to understand that you cannot undo something that has been done. And you can’t spend the rest of your life dwelling on a single moment. Sometimes not doing anything is exactly what needs to be done. And sometimes moving on after trying to make amends is the answer.
If you are stuck in the past, you are letting that define you instead of rebuilding yourself into the person you wish to become. You’re literally just hurting yourself. You’re also not going to find happiness in the past, you’ll be chasing something that can only occur in the present.
Additionally, you’re always going to be reminded of what went wrong and you’ll lose sight of the fact that things can turn around in the future. You’ll create this tunnel vision of negativity that will foster a nostalgia and it’ll make the past seem much better than it was. Stop this. There is a reason why things happened the way they did. Accept it. Do better next time.
We’re all going to hurt people. We’re all going to get the answer wrong. We’re all going to make the wrong decision without realizing the consequences but what defines is how we move on from it and the lesson(s) we take from it.
You also have no control over what was, but you do have control over what can be. So focus your energy on that. Life is moving, it’s best for you to move on with it.
5. Don’t have expectations. Seriously, don’t.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache” — William Shakespeare (so accurate)
This is something I struggle with a lot personally but I’ve gotten a lot better at it. My dad always says that whenever I do a task (apply for a job, give an interview, take a test, etc.) I should always give it my all but then pull back. I shouldn’t get attached because the outcome is not a reflection of me. If I did everything I could, then it just wasn’t supposed to work out. I shouldn’t expect anything because nothing is guaranteed to us.
In relationships with people, I try to not expect much from them and I’m trying to reciprocate the energy I receive. I think a lot of the time, we try to do a lot for people who don’t appreciate our worth then we get upset when they don’t. But there shouldn’t be any expectations beforehand, or they should be established. You can’t control people, so don’t spend time being upset over something you can’t change. You can only give something/someone your all and then it’s up to them whether they want the same things as you. If they don’t, just simply move onto people who do and learn from the experience.
Understand that nobody owes you ANYTHING and you’re not entitled to anything. People are going to hurt you, things are not going to go your way. Everything that happens is so that you can learn to protect yourself better and build yourself back up.
You also don’t have control over how people treat you, and the outcomes of all the different things you’re going to try in life so why let it control your mood so much?
6. Pay attention to what/who makes you smile and hold onto it/them for as long as you can.
My happiness isn’t tied towards material things… most of the time. I look for it in the little things.
- ice-cream
- flowers
- hanging out with my friends
- those really great long hugs
- holding hands
- old heartfelt messages
- old pictures
- doing my makeup
- getting in a good workout
- trying new food
Also whenever I’m going through a stressful week, I always get myself a little treat like iced coffee was a way of celebrating getting through the day. Or I’ll listen to my playlist with my happy songs and it’ll make the day seem so much more bearable.
I also really try my hardest to be kind. I feel so much better about myself and I love making people smile because you never know what the next person is going towards. It also doesn’t take much out of me to be nice. This could be as simple as saying thank you to the bus driver or surprising your friend with coffee or a phone call.
Additionally, I’m very happy with the people that I have around me. Whenever I’m feeling down, I know I can call my best friend and it’ll brighten my day immensely. I’ve also surrounded myself with people that genuinely care about my well-being and check up on me which keeps me going through the rough days.
If someone makes you happy by simply their presence, hold onto them. People like that are so rare and hard to come by so let them into your life and let them make a difference.
In conclusion, happiness sneaks up on you. It only shows itself to you if you’re ready to be found. It’s a choice and it’s a mindset that is under your control. Remember, your problems are never as big as they seem, you’re always one decision away from a completely different life, and there are people who love you–reach out to them.
But remember! Happiness requires effort — all the best things in life do.
🙂
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