The story that follows is an actual account from the life of Maddy Middleton. This is not fiction, and the situation and corresponding emotions were real and undeniable. The anecdote will be told in the third person to make the horrific events described easier to relive and comment on. Please enjoy and, remember, this is a real life event and severe sympathy is appreciated.
One sunny January afternoon in Charleston, Maddy sauntered up St. Philip Street. Dressed in olive colored cigarette pants and pointed black booties, the top half of her outfit consisted of a black swing top and a tan colored fur vest. On her shoulder, she was sporting a long satchel containing a pack of gum, a blue ink pen and her future.
Maddy was on her way to an interview for an opportunity she could not hide her enthusiasm for. In preparation for the interview, she picked out a trendy outfit and corrected come parts of her resume. As she walked up St. Philip St., the reality of her approaching task began to set in, and thoughts of negativity littered her mind.
You are so bad at interviews! You didn’t even prepare mentally for this moment, you’re just gonna wing it. Turn around now! Go back to your dorm and no one will ever know you chickened out.
These uneasy feelings just escalated as she made her way up the stairs of the Stern building and found a seat in the interview space. As the leader of the event began giving background information and explaining procedures, nervous sweats began erupting from Maddy’s forehead and palms. Wiping away some of the noticeable unease, Maddy shifted in her seat as she eavesdropped on the other interviews taking place. Just as she began to settle, she heard “Maddy! You’re up next with Mark.” Inherently, she scanned the room until she found Mark. During her million-mile journey to the opposite side of the room (give or take a few miles), she realized that Mark was more like MARK! Dressed head to toe in designer clothes, he had a very prestigious, intimidating aura surrounding him.
Regardless of this realization, the show went on and Maddy found her place in front of Mark. Oh no! The sweats were back and the “umms” and “likes” were beginning to show up on the scene. The first question was a true doozey: “What is your availability like?
Answer: “Ohhh, my availability? Like anytime. Well, actually I have like some classes in the mornings but then I’m free. So, I guess I’m like ‘available.'” (For any confused readers, air quotes were indeed used while saying the last word)
The interview progressed and the questions got tougher. For example, when asked about an unsavory experience in the workplace, Maddy could not answer! Her internal thoughts went like this:
Unsavory! I like that word choice. It reminds me of a nice slow-roasted rotisserie chicken glazed in some magical goodness and served over a steaming bed of rice.
So, the interview ended just as it started, with a rather damp handshake and an ear to ear smile that screamed “crazy chick looking for a job in a place she has no business looking for a job!”
There you have it! A play by play of an interview gone wrong. Tips to take from this story include being more mentally prepared and learning to not sweat the small stuff, because if you’re meant to get something, you’ll get it (I hope)!
