Before I started dating Daniel, I learned the hard way about emotionally abusive relationships. We had this little extra class during our all girls PE class my freshman year that taught us about abusive relationships so that we'd be able to find a way out if we were ever trapped in one. Yet, they should've talked more about emotionally abusive then physically abusive. Emotionally abusive relationships can pass under the radar because the tolls it takes aren't easily seen.
I spent 8 months with a boy I believed I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. I spent 244 days with a boy I thought loved me. And notice I said he was a boy, because a man does not abuse a woman in any way, shape, or form. This boy made me feel like the only girl in the world. I honestly believed he was the sweetest guy I could ever be with and that's how it stayed for about two to two and a half months then the subtle abuse began. It came gradually. There is a little parable of sorts about a frog in a pot of boiling water. When you turn the heat up all at once, the frog notices immediately and jumps out but when you turn the heat up gradually, that poor little froggy is boiled to death. I was that poor little frog. I got comfortable in the little hot tub pot but I noticed before I was boiled into frog soup.
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The hurtful things he said were always followed by long apologies written by me. The more I think about that relationship, the more I notice that he never apologized. He started all the fights that ended in me saying I was sorry for starting the damn fight.
The day that basically ended the relationship was supposed to be a day filled with fun but as always, he started a fight. March 2, 2015 was the day of the much waited for, Mormon Prom. Obviously I had spent hours deciding on what to wear wanting to look gorgeous for the boy. I wore my favorite leggings, because it was kinda cold, making sure my friends loved the outfit too and they did.
One of the rules of the LDS church is not wearing clothing that is too tight or revealing. My leggings went against that rule. The boy was not really the rule abiding type so him being so angry at me for wearing those leggings honestly caught me by surprise. He spent the entire day date we had planned with our group distancing himself from me. I was miserable. But after the dance, the fighting started, again. And also the names.
That night I learned I was a spoiled brat, a skank, manipulative, and that I was worth nothing. That night I also learned I was loved, a beautiful woman, loving, and I was worth more than the opinion of that boy. I am worth more than the opinion of anyone.
The boy I thought I loved broke me until I was a little ball of Play Doh and molded me into what he wanted. What he didn't expect was me having a sliver of myself left. And that's when I turned on him. I broke up with him and then spent a month and a half building myself up and then I learned what a real man looks like. Daniel treats me like I am the princess I now know I am.
Emotional abuse is hard to see when you're on the inside. If you don't see a way out, find someone to help. Please. Find help because nobody deserves to be treated like anything less than a prince or princess.
Au Revoir
