Ever since I was a child, I always had to better at everything. If I didn't do something the best of my abilities, I would have to do it until it was perfect.

"You're not good enough" really has an effect because it meant that in order to be good enough, I had to be perfect. But trying to be perfect is exhausting. In my 22, almost 23 years of living, I have run myself ragged trying to feel good enough.

Do we have to be perfect in order to feel good about ourselves?

Are we worthless if we don't meet the standards of the people we love?

I plan almost all of my outfits in advanced, becuase they have to be perfect. Freshly steamed, the right conservative length and modest chest. My makeup has to be flawless yet natural becuase I don't want to seem fake. I look in the mirror more times than I can count to make sure I haven't gained a single ounce, to check my hair or makeup. I work really hard in school becuase I can't have fun if I have any chance at being a professor.

Just getting rejection letter after rejection letter from grad schools broke me because it felt like another reason for people to realize I'm not good enough. But despite the fact that it felt hindering, it also makes me want to fight like hell for the things I want.

Two professors this past week made me think about what I want.

I could either pick myself up and fight for the career I want, or I could do something easy.

"You're not good enough" means that I'm going to fight to prove people wrong.

I'm going to fight to show these schools that I have what it takes.

And I'm going to fight for peace of mind, because even though I'm not good enough for some people, I'm good enough for the ones that love me and that's good enough for me.