As I’m sitting here trying to write this article, I’m constantly getting distracted by the platforms that create my perceived life: Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. The persona that I’ve cultivated on these social media sites is the version of me that I want people to see. My Instagram shows a constantly happy girl, one who does nothing but hike, go to the lake, adventure in the city and hang out with friends. There are no photos that look sad or boring, because why would anyone want to be either of those. Although these pictures are real - I am happy and I do all of these things often - they only show a small portion of my life. There are no pictures of me binge watching Netflix, no pictures of me caked in dirt and sweat with my feet covered in blisters post hike, no pictures of me working five days a week, coming home exhausted and covered in ice cream. My whole first semester of college I was miserably homesick; I cried almost everyday, begging my mom to let me come home. But, my snapchats and Instagram posts made people believe I was happy and loved school because I didn’t document the bad parts. I only show people what I want them to see. That’s the power that social media gives me, and that’s the reason it has such a profound effect on us.

Social media defines our generation. Millennials, always on their phones. Adults assume we’re being rude, that we would rather be somewhere else with more interesting people. Live in the moment, they say, have a real conversation. But they don’t really understand. It’s not that we don’t like where we are or who we’re with, it’s that we don’t like ourselves, or not enough at least. We feel insecure compared to the bikini model with thousands of followers, or the jet setter who seems to only travel and never work. We crave the attention that they have, and for us that comes in the form of likes, friends, followers and views. We want our friends to see our newest album on Facebook and think we have the most interesting, exciting lives possible. We want our ex boyfriends and girlfriends to see that we’re happy without them, even if we want them back. We want people we don’t even know to come across our feed and envy our lives. We seek the validation of getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments with the heart eye emoji. We try to make ourselves seem perfect, but we forget the effect that can have. We are setting ourselves up to depend on other people for self-confidence and that’s dangerous. Our love for ourselves and our lives doesn’t come from within, it doesn’t even come from the joy of our experiences or the people we share them with. Our self love comes from how many people like the picture we post after the experience. As soon as that picture that doesn’t get “enough” likes, we feel like we aren’t as pretty or cool or interesting as we thought.

This same feeling can come from comparing ourselves to other people’s feeds. I was scrolling through the explore section of Instagram the other night, as one does, and kept seeing pictures of perfectly tanned and toned girls in expensive bikinis with long golden hair that matched the sand they stood on. I clicked on one of their profiles and quickly figured out she was still in high school, even though she had thousands of followers. This girl is maybe fifteen and she’s prettier than me, I thought. As I worked my way down her feed I learned she modeled, had a gorgeous, doting boyfriend and spent most of her time at the beach in perfectly procured outfits. Suddenly, I felt incredibly inadequate. I want to be her, I thought to myself. Instantly, I was shocked that thought had crossed my mind. I’m happy being me, why would I want to be this girl I don’t even know? The answer is simple; I want to be her because all I know about her is what she wants me to know. I only see a small part of her life and that part highlights my insecurities. She’s skinnier than me and has a boy who seems to love her. This is the other side of social media, the side of the viewer. When you see a pretty person with pretty photos, you assume that’s their whole life. They must be happy, just look at their Instagram. But that doesn’t mean she’s happy, it just means she wants you to think she is. Social media makes it easy to compare yourself to other people, from girls at your school to celebrities. The problem is that you compare your whole life to a very small, very selective part of theirs.

I have insecurities, but I’m not saying that I’m unhappy or bored. The pictures that I share did actually happen. I do hike a lot and I am a generally happy person, but nobody can be adventurous and happy all the time. I don’t create a fake version of myself, just a limited one. I love social media, seeing what my friends are up to, sharing a fun picture. But I don’t love the effect it can have. Seeing one picture of a beautiful model, or your ex with a new person can instantly ruin your mood. Social media can make you feel insecure and inadequate. But, it’s important to remember that these people are also only showing you what they want you to see. Kylie Jenner probably takes dozens of selfies before posting one, just like you do. Taylor Swift can’t be surrounded by her squad all the time, but she doesn’t document herself watching tv alone. That popular girl in your sixth period biology class gets into fights with her seemingly perfect boyfriend, but she still posts photos that make them look endlessly in love. What I am trying to say is that no one has a perfect life, and that’s important to remember next time you stalk someone on Instagram.

I don’t plan on getting rid of social media any time soon. I’m still addicted to the thrill of getting likes and enchanted by the feeds of world travelers. Even now as I’m writing, my phone lights up and I have another like on my most recent Instagram photo. I smile, a little jolt of satisfaction going through me, but I’m also slightly disappointed; the one person I really want to like my photo hasn’t. Social media affects my mood, even if I wish it didn’t. But, I love posting funny Snapchat stories and seeing what my friends from home are doing. To have a realistic social media presence, I am going to make sure that my feeds stay true to who I am. I am determined not to get so caught up that I don’t recognize the girl in my profile picture. I am also going to make sure that I know that likes and followers don’t define me, that I always remember that a few real friends are way more important than a thousand Facebook friends. I am going to make sure that I am not happy because other people double tap my photo, I am going to be happy because I love my life and I love myself, no heart eye emojis needed.