Unfortunately, there aren't many Grammar Nazis out there. So, for the minority who actually care about speaking properly, we have to listen to poor grammar all day long. You may think this isn't a serious issue, but I promise that it is. Poor grammar causes heartburn. Seriously, it's not the Mexican food you had for lunch. It's the way your friends were talking throughout the day, saying things like, "I changed my opinion on that celebrity based off of her latest interview." Or even worse, receiving texts like "Are you their yet?" Cringeworthy. I'm actually nauseous imagining this. If you are someone like me, then you'll definitely understand these nine thoughts grammar freaks have during the day.
1. I refuse to believe that anyone still struggles with “your” and “you’re.”
There’s nothing more obvious on the planet than understanding "your" simply means you and "you’re" means you are. Anyone who can figure out that 1+1=2 can figure this out.
2. What
would even make you think to say “based off of” something rather than saying
“based on”?
You’re literally basing your opinion on something. Please, stop saying "based off of." It's hurting my ears.
3. Can we get it together with the “their,” “they’re” and “there”?
"Their" belongs to them. That’s theirs. "They're," you guessed it... is "they are!" (Throwback to “you’re” featured in number one) "There" is a place or position. If you could memorize Busta Rhymes’ verse in “Look at Me Now,” you can remember the difference between “their,” they’re” and “there.”
4. Who decided to throw an ‘s’ at the end of the word “toward”?
Towards?? Does that sound intelligent to you? There’s no possible way.
5. We have to stop saying “could of” and “should
of.”
Should OF? Don’t you notice when you use the alternative you say “should’ve” and “could’ve”? Could have. Should have. If you don’t start saying this, I’m going to stop speaking to you.
6. A semicolon is not a comma.
In no way, shape, or form does a semicolon ever become interchangeable for a comma. They are two different forms of punctuation.
7. Okay, I understand why people have trouble with me vs. I.
I struggled with it at a point, too. But don’t you just feel the stupidity rolling off your tongue when you say, “Me and her are going to the mall today.” Remove “her” from the sentence. "Me am going to the mall today?" No. I am going to the mall today. I am going to the mall today with her. Her and I are going to the mall today!!
8. Please don’t think that I didn’t notice you used “then” when making a comparison.
Trust me, I saw it. I’m hurt. I was going to give you a free pass on it, but then I realized you’re dumber than doorknob. See what I did there?
9. There’s only one way to teach a memorable lesson on "How to Use Affect and Effect for Dummies."
The acronym RAVEN stands for “Remember, Affect is a Verb, Effect is a Noun.” If you can’t get this, we can’t be friends.