Regrettably, in this life of ours there is a certainty that we have all experienced the annoying back-and-forth tendency of emotions between happiness and sadness. Whether through the actions of others or simply by the whims of life, we have undergone this transition between states of feeling. It almost seems to be a part of our nature to try and extend those precious states of happiness. Unfortunately, I’m sure we can all attest to our inability in sustaining such joys for long.

But, what if our efforts to cling so tightly to happiness is what prevents us from finding it again? It would seem that it only deepens our own wallowing in the despair of our sadder moments. Of course, this train of thought has been voiced before, so, we must allow ourselves to let go of such emotional attachment concerning events that are beyond our control. I never truly knew what this meant. From my perspective as a young millennial, I could not understand why an individual in this day and age could not find the means to be happy and only happy, no sadness. And so, I struggled for a long time with the frustration of attempting to hold onto the few things I found joyful, while guarding as best I could from my own share of sadness.

As I grew older, I had learned to cope with the disappointment in how little control I truly had. But, it wasn’t until I had visited abroad to Indonesia that I had, for the first time, formed this great frustration in my life into a context that I could understand.

Mentioning context, some is in order. I am fortunate, and grateful, to have a loving sister that had invited me to travel with her and her husband through several parts of Indonesia. This trip began during the summer of my junior year in college. I saw this experience as a way to reset myself, to get away from the person I built up back home, and see if there was any other possibility for me to be happy. So, with any activity they suggested, I jumped in with both feet. And this is how I found myself in the middle of my trip taking a three day boat ride from Labuhanbajo to Lombok. Prior to this, I had only been on a boat once before, that was docked, and only for a duration of an hour. I greatly under-prepared myself for the realization that I get severely sea sick. This was also not-so-pleasantly discovered after the boat was quite a distance from any nearby shore. Unpleasant details aside, I found myself making good friends with the deck of the ship because I rarely stood and found the only form of comfort to be lying on my back as the boat hit wave after wave.

I am not a religious man, nor do I invest much in the supernatural. But, on this boat in the middle of a storm, there I lay beneath a small wooden statue of Ganesh. It sat upon a small ledge with a single faint light behind it. I felt an existential moment coming on. It was so cliche that I even laughed aloud.

The way I was laying allowed me the view outside of the boat. When each wave hit, my head would roll upward, catching a glimpse of the night sky I had only seen in astronomy books and videos. Stars. More than I had ever before seen with my own eyes. And, just like that, with the lull of the ship dipping back into the ocean, my view would become full of the black crashing sea. And so, this pattern, this cycle, went on for the whole night. I tried to hold my head in such a way that I could only see the stars. But, I was so weak from hardly eating and nausea that I could not. It was beyond my control.

Unable to sleep, I began to relate these inconsistent lengths of rocking to the experiences of happiness and sadness in my life. The pattern was easily predictable. The boat will be slammed by a wave, allowing me this joyful sight once more, followed by a descent into the frightening chaos of the dancing waves. My thoughts focused on the nature of this pattern. And that is how I came to the realization that happiness and sadness are just states, just events that occur. And though it may be hard to believe, there is a pattern to them as well. Just as sure as you are to have a happy moment, a saddened one will be sure to follow. But you can take comfort in this never ending cycle, for it also means that the sadness cannot last.

So you, faced with reality must embrace the truth that you are unable to control the whims of life, but, remember, by living in the moment you can still decide on how you will react to what life brings. Take heart in this cyclical nature of life and allow yourself to live unattached to the false notion of control. And know that tomorrow brings with it the chance for change.