Someone very close to my heart was in an abusive relationship for about half of my life. I feared for this persons safety as well as my own. Thankfully that person was able to exit that relationship safely after 7 long years. However, some people will not be as lucky. We have to end the silence on domestic violence.
So, I decided that the cycle would end with me. Although I witnessed a lot of this abuse first hand, I made my heart a promise I would never ever allow myself to be put in that position. The cycle ends with me.
You see domestic violence is a cycle. It trickles down families and it's a never-ending cycle of fear, put downs, physical and emotional bruises.
Abusers will often lash out, then express guilt, provide you with excuses, then return to normal behavior. After returning to normal behavior, they will often think about ways to abuse you again (fantasies,) and then set you up for abuse.
Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects all genders, ages, races, and religions.
Abusive relationships often do not start out abusive, they slowly get worse. Here are some signs that you or a friend may be in an abusive relationship:
1. Isolating the victim from friends and family.
2. Sudden changes in personality, someone who was once the "life of the party" suddenly becomes shy and reserved.
3. Sudden decreases in self-esteem
4. Having frequent injuries, with the excuse that it "was just an accident"
5. Frequently miss work, school or social occasions without explanation
6. Dressing in clothing that is designed to cover injuries
7. Having limited access to money
8. Often asking excuses for partner
9. Feeling overwhelming anxiety about pleasing partner or partners reactions
10. Often have to "check in" with partner about what they are doing or ask for permission to do "regular" tasks
Do not ignore these warning signs. If you have suspicions, pay attention. Those who are in abusive relationships will often go to great lengths to hide it. Be careful when approaching those who you suspect may be in an abusive relationship. Their partner may check their social media and phone. It is best to approach them in person if possible. Try to be calm and understanding. Make your best effort to assure them they will be safe when they leave. Victims must have support. Support is very crucial in the leaving and healing process.
We need to end the cycle. It starts with us
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline tel:1-800-799-SAFE or tel:1-800-787-3224.
