Just before Sarah had gotten out of Marcus' car last night, they'd realized she'd left hers at the party. When Marcus offered to pick her up the next morning, Sarah's first thought wasn't to say no, but that he would need to pick her up early. The less everyone knew or saw of Marcus, the easier it would be to lie. But then her next thought was to tell him to forget about the whole damn thing, that she didn't want to know, that she already had a family, one she loved. But the curiosity had been pulling at her all night, and she half despised herself for giving in to it, and what it was making her do – sneak around, lie, hide things. It was hard to deceive the people you loved.
Still, Sarah follows that feeling out of the house before dawn the next morning. She pretends she doesn't see that face in the window as they pull away from the curb.
"Feeling any better?" Marcus asks.
"No, not really." Sarah glares at him, but he just nods, unaffected. They're both silent for most of the ride. He doesn't want to say what she doesn't want to hear, even if that's exactly why they're together now. He wants to spill all, and she wants to hear all. They're almost to the party house when Marcus clears his throat.
"Look, if we're really gonna do this, we do it now. Before you get to your car and decide to drive away instead."
"You don't get to take my choice away."
"If you didn't really want to know, you wouldn't have come with me," Marcus tells her gently, pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant.
"You don't know anything about what I want! There are so many people that could get hurt if I go through with this." Sarah's voice strains, but she doesn't realize she's yelling until Marcus replies in a quiet voice.
"Including you."
Sarah finally looks at him. To see who he is. She's been keeping her eyes from his face since the moment he told her who he was, except for the split seconds she can't stop herself. Now, she sees the same eyes, deceitful in their color. One might swear Sarah had dark eyes, and another would bet their life they were the brightest blue. This is the first thing about Marcus that Sarah connects with herself because last night she remembers Marcus' eyes being blue. Now, they are much darker, not quite brown, but a color Sarah has seen her entire life. He has the same freckles, and something about him is comforting. It feels like she's looking at one of her sisters. His hair is lighter, a dirty blonde, but there's no mistaking the resemblance. There's no denying that she sees herself in his face, just like that man on the porch that day.
This is what gets to Sarah the most. How can she see this in them when nothing else about them feels familiar? They are strangers, and she shouldn't want to change this. Here she is, doing exactly that.
"Okay." she eventually says, pulling her damn eyes away from his damn eyes. They both take a deep breath like they're about to commit a heinous crime.
"After our dad showed up at my house I confronted my mom. At first, she tried to deny anything I questioned her about, but when she caught me looking through her room for my birth certificate, she told me the truth." Marcus clears his throat, and when Sarah peeks at him, she can see his jaw is clenched. "Unlike you, I had no idea I was adopted. I know it might not seem like a big deal to find out at twenty-two, but it is for me. I used my hurt and anger to get my mom to tell me everything she knew. I was bitter and cold, and I still don't regret the things I said to her. I threatened to cut her out of my life if she lied, which is when I found out about you."
Sarah is staring at him. "How'd you find me?"
"Oh. Yeah, she knew where you lived." Marcus spits sarcastically. "She's known all these fuckin years. Fear kept her from doing anything about. Or maybe she's just selfish."
Sarah knows all about fear, and how it makes you selfish.
"What else did your mom say? What about our birth mom?"
Marcus looks at her, shaking his head. "That, she knows nothing about. It was a request she made when she adopted me. She didn't want to know anything devastating that she'd have to try to keep from me." He puts his hands to his eyes, that lock in his jaw still there.
"Wait, I'm confused," Sarah starts, trying to grasp her thoughts. Marcus pulls his hand down to his mouth and looks at her, worrying his lip between in his fingers the same annoying way Sarah did that irritated the hell out of Olivia. "How do we not know about each other? I was with our mom until I was, like, seven. I don't remember…" Sarah trails off, trying to make sense of memories that are suddenly resurfacing. Marcus watches her like he knows exactly what's unfolding in her mind.
"I was drunk for an entire week after hearing everything. Then I spent the next week…well, stalking you, I guess." He scrunches up his face with his admitted embarrassment, a small smile ghosting his expression. It disappears quick, though, as he tells her, "You know, if you hadn't come up to me, I'd probably still be trying to figure out the right way to approach you."
"I don't think there is a right way," Sarah mutters. She's starting to understand what he means about drinking because being blissfully unaware for a week seems like the only way to digest any of this shit. "So being drunk for a week, that helped?"
Marcus smiles. "No. But you confronting me last night, that has."
"Why, cuz I'm suffering along with you?"
"No," he scowls, but then quickly smirks. "I was torturing myself about this little sister I had somehow forgotten about. And then I find out that you live in the same city? It felt wrong not to come find you, but given the chance, I couldn't take it." He sighs at the windshield. "You took it for me instead."
Sarah manages to return his gentle, playful expression, but it feels nothing like what's going on inside of her.
"I'm sorry." she apologizes, wiping away stubborn tears. "This is all just so much."
"I know it is, Sarah. And I'm sorry, too." Marcus takes the sight of her in, and Christ if he wasn't looking the same way a week ago. It's strange and overwhelming, but all Marcus wants is for Sarah to feel safe, especially with all that he's just dumped in her lap. He turns his engine over, the short drive to Sarah's car tense and uneasy. Still, she pauses before getting out.
"What do we do now?"
He shrugs. "Whatever you want. You've got my number. If you have questions you want me to answer, you wanna talk, get drunk…" They finally laugh together. "I'm just as confused as you, and angry. Not only did I learn that I've been living without the knowledge of a father and sister, but that my mom isn't even my real mom." He squints at her sheepishly. "So maybe I could use someone to talk to, also."
Sarah nods. "Can you give me a few days?"
Marcus nods back. "Whatever you need, Sarah, really. Okay?" He gives her shoulder a gentle shove, and this makes them both laugh again, and it's starting not to feel weird. As Sarah watches Marcus drive away, she finds it so appropriate that her cell goes off with Jane's ringtone.
"Hi Janey," she answers, instantly feeling better.
"Hi, Sarah."
"You okay?" Sarah questions when silence follows.
"Are you?" Jane asks in a small voice.
Sarah holds back a sigh. "Was that you in the window this morning?"
"Maybe. Who was that you left with?"
"Nobody you need to worry about. Just someone is giving me a ride to my car." Sarah tries to come across as carefree and reassuring.
"Okay," Jane replies, nothing in her voice telling Sarah whether she believed her or not. Pulling her phone away to check the time, she sees it's still early enough that Meredith was still asleep. And Olivia.
"You hungry? I can come to pick you up."
Amy wakes up to her alarm blaring, and instead of envisioning it in flames, she turns it off without the normal force that sends it across the bedside table, and occasionally to the floor. This was her first Saturday off in months. Austin had begged her to take a day off, so they could spend it together doing whatever they wanted without a time limit. As she settles back under the covers, Austin pulls her to him. He buries his face in her neck, something she absolutely loves. It has always made her feel incredibly safe and protected. It brings her back to all the other times he's done this to her, unknowingly easing worries about her patients, or the heaviness when she missed her family.
"Good morning," he whispers into her neck.
Amy smiles stupidly, a small laugh escaping. "Morning." They let time slip by unnoticed, something to be cherished in their relentless schedules of surgeries and appointments. The room begins to fill with unfamiliar light, neither of them ever in bed this late in the morning. Amy rolls over to face Austin.
"Are you still sleeping?" She presses her lips to his and feels his smile.
"Mmm, dreaming is more like it." He opens his eyes, looking straight into hers. He can see their entire future when he looks into Amy's eyes. "I've been dreaming about you," he mumbles, returning her kiss.
"Oh yeah?"
"Oh, yeah…" He softly brushes his lips against hers, barely touching her. It drives Amy crazy in the way he wants, and he knows it's working from the impatient noise she makes. Their mouths are sealed now; their kisses more hurried as they wake each other up. Austin only pulls away to undress himself, and then her, taking his time and loving the annoyance in Amy's expression become relaxed and blissful instead.
"This is way better than what we were doing in my dream." Amy shivers in pleasure at his breath against her neck.
"My husband to be," she whispers in his ear.
"My wife to be." His voice teases her in places far from her neck, and when Austin shifts his weight, his groan mixes with her gasp. The light from the sun filling their bedroom feels like a cocoon that can keep them this way forever. This was a time of day that was normally spent inside artificially lit buildings, not entangled in each other. The discovery of this time of day shifts the mood around them. Amy can feel Austin's intensity building up to her own, and she holds Austin's heated shudders against her. She chases the pleasured hitches in his breath until they relax into each other. Eyes barely opening, they mumble to each other as sleep takes them under.
Jane tells Sarah that she'll meet her at their favorite diner, right down the street. As soon as she's through the door, she's greeted by Al.
"How many today, Miss Jane?" She's never come in here and not seen Al. She half suspects that he lives here.
"Just me and Sarah," Jane answers as she hugs him. He gives her their usual table anyway, and seconds later there's a cherry coke in front of her. She finishes it as Sarah pulls into the parking lot, and from where she's sitting she can tell Sarah's been crying. She watches as Sarah greets Al with a hug and a convincing smile, then looks away when she heads for their table.
"Have you been waiting long?" Sarah notices the empty glass. Jane just shakes her head, seeing their waitress approaching.
"Hey, Gina." they greet her.
"Cullen Girls," she greets them back. "The usual?"
"Yes, please," Jane says, grabbing her straw before Gina takes her glass.
"Just coffee for me, Gina, thanks." Sarah rubs her temples while Gina smiles at her knowingly. Jane chews on her straw, waiting for Gina to leave, but she's right back with the coffee. Sarah drinks it black, a sure sign that she's hungover. Jane watches as Sarah distractedly traces the rim of the cup. When she can't stand it anymore, she asks, "Do you wanna talk about it?"
There are tears instantly. "Yes," Sarah says, then, "No."
Jane bites her lip. Something isn't right with Sarah, and not just right now, or last night, or even last week. Jane has seen her sister shed more tears in the past two days than in all the time she's known her. Partying was Olivia's style, and Sarah was known to be a bit wild every now and then. But not every weekend.
"It has to do with that guy this morning, right?"
Sarah nods.
"And that man a few weeks ago."
"Yeah."
Jane doesn't offer any more suggestions. She knows it's going to come out eventually. Sarah waits until Gina brings Jane's breakfast, who eats, even though she's not hungry, because she knows the less focused she is on Sarah, the easier it is for her to talk.
"That guy was someone I met at the party last night. Someone who knew who I was, just like the man who said he was my father. Apparently, I wasn't the only one he made a surprise visit to." Jane peers across the table to check on her sister. Sarah seems more collected now, staring out the window, slightly glaring.
"Who was the guy at the party?"
Sarah's eyebrows go up. "Oh, my brother. We've got the same runaway mom and never-seen-before dad."
Jane stares at her. Everything they've all dreaded their entire lives was happening. Somehow it doesn't seem so devastating.
Jane puts her fork her down as she regards Sarah, still shooting daggers at the window like it caused all of this. "Sarah, you're twenty-one. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
Sarah finally turns from the window, and her glare is now something else. Jane can't quite figure it out until Sarah speaks.
"But that's just it, Janey. There's a part of me that wants to know, at least about my brother."
Jane shrugs, searching her face. "Then do it." Before the confusion, Jane realizes Sarah is ashamed. She recognizes that look and the way it's coming off of Sarah in painful and familiar waves because everything about Sarah is screaming everything about Jane when she sneaks into her room and searches for her family.
"Do it? Jane –"
"You told me I should remember my family."
"That's different."
"Did your brother abandon you?" Jane is quick and relentless.
Sarah sighs. "You know, I really hate when you do that."
Jane grins through a mouthful of French toast. "What, read your mind?" Sarah makes a face, more in disgust at seeing the food in Jane's mouth, but it makes them both laugh. And in her small moment of relief, Sarah knows that Marcus hadn't abandoned her. He was in the same boat as her.
Just trying to figure out who they are.
