Have you ever heard to never let someone see you cry because it will make you appear weak? It will make you appear emotional? It will make you appear not tough enough? How about when you ask for help with anything? Does it make you feel like you’re not capable? Well, I for one, want to help change the narrative about getting help for mental illness.

After my uncle passed away (and other personal issues) and I fell into a deep depression, along with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, I will admit that I was afraid to get help. I was afraid of what people would think of me. I was afraid of what my classmates at school would say if I told them. I will admit that I never let my mom see me have a breakdown. I always kept it to myself because I wanted to appear strong. I didn’t want to appear weak. Honestly, when my mom asked me one day if I needed/wanted to go to counseling, I said that I was fine. Deep down, I was a mess. I was falling apart and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I said nothing and I did nothing.

It wasn’t until I got to college that my roommates encouraged me to go to counseling. My first counseling session went well even though I was nervous. On the outside, I was a nervous wreck of fearing how the therapist will respond to my story, but on the inside, I felt relieved. I was finally making a step in the right direction. I will admit that going into a therapist's office, I thought that after a few visits and talks that I would be completely fixed of all my issues. Just in case you were thinking this, the answer is no. It hit me one day when I was on Google looking at inspirational quotes by Demi Lovato (if you haven’t guessed already, I am a big fan and she is one of the main reasons I spoke up about my depression and other issues) and one quote from her said, “Recovery is something that you work on; it doesn’t get a day off.” I realized that she was absolutely right. It was going to take more than a few visits for me to really make progress.

As I began a regular schedule of seeing the therapist, the more open and honest I was able to be about my issues. It felt like I was confiding in a trusted friend and of course, there was confidentiality. I began to realize that this was good for my mental health and that I could take the time to talk through everything.

Now, I don’t know if this will help someone or not, but hear this: Getting help and going to therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. It is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. I know it can be a little scary, but know that you’re not alone in this battle. You are not weak for asking for help. You are not incapable just because you asked for help. In fact, you are stronger because you had the courage to say, "I am a mess, I need help and I am ready to be better." Embrace getting help and know that shame cannot hide once you turn on the light. So, by all means, turn on the light.