The concept of love and marriage in Islam is a very fragile and serious topic of discussion. There are many stereotypes associated with this topic due to the overlap of culture and religion in Muslim countries. In this article, I will debunk these stereotypes, separate culture from Islamic religion, and hopefully convey the message of love and marriage in the context of Islam and its own grounding.

The first stereotype that I would like to address is that “Muslims can’t date. If they can’t date, how do they get to know someone before considering marriage?”

In Islam, premarital sex is prohibited. Hence, male and female interactions are structured in such a manner that prevents a premarital relationship based on sexual interaction from existing. However, stating that males and females can’t date is a statement that is made in comparison to the ideal concepts of dating. If dating means wanting to know more about someone with the intention of marriage and starting a family, then Islam not only allows, but also encourages this, under the condition that the male and female are not solely by themselves (to prevent unprofessional conversation from taking place). Dating has been associated with the prominence of sexual encounters - this is why one may hear that Muslims can’t date. The correct way to phrase this is that Muslims strive to find a partner solely for the sake of marriage. It does not mean that two people can’t get to know each other before choosing to get married. From a practical standpoint, the Islamic approach also prevents one person from becoming extremely attached to another too early. Hence, it is also a safety mechanism for emotional health.

The second stereotype that I would like to address is that of arranged marriage. A Muslim cannot get married without his or her approval. Unfortunately, under certain socio-economic conditions in predominantly Muslim countries, men and mostly women are victims of an arranged marriage that is actually a forced one. An arranged marriage can be a perfectly viable option -- if a Muslim’s parents recommends to him or her a potential life-partner, there is no problem in considering this recommendation. In some instances, the recommendation turns out to be a right fit. However, there is a fine line between religion and culture here -- in Islam, if a Muslim denies to get married to a certain individual, that’s it. The marriage cannot be done. Yet, in some cultures, the prominence of getting a Muslim individual married to someone against their personal choice is alarming. Here is a hadith (a historical recording of the sayings of Prophet Muhammad ) regarding this issue:

Khansa Bint Khidam said, “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

Hence, it has been established that Muslim men and women, under Islam itself, must marry people of their choice. Another prominent misconception in the Muslim community, especially amongst the youth, is that they cannot fall in love. This is not true -- falling in love with someone is a natural process. However, it is up to the Muslim individual to understand where to channel this love -- if it is something to be taken seriously, he or she may want to get to know this person and should consider speaking to his or her parents about this potential spouse. On the other hand, a Muslim individual cannot allow this love to lead him or her down a path that is not Islamically permissible. Thus, it is very important to understand that falling in love is completely normal, but one must be cautious of the decisions made after falling in love. A Muslim has a duty to be respectful and responsible about his or her emotions, as well as the emotions of someone else.

Through the evaluation of these misconceptions, we can understand that the concept of love and marriage in Islam is one that only seeks to protect its followers. There are certain conditions in place that will allow for a spiritually, emotionally and psychologically healthy relationship to exist between two partners that wish to be together. It is important to distinguish cultural norms from religious foundations in order to understand that Islam is not out to make the lives of its followers miserable. Rather, it establishes a context that will allow a human being to flourish. The fact that some comprehend this while others misconstrue it should not blemish the religion itself. I hope that this piece has been informing to my readers. Thank you for tuning in!