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The Christmas Creep

Halloween is over, make way for the overzealous Christmas celebration.

Jamie L Ammon

Nov 07, 2016

University of New Hampshire

AirTalk

And so, at 12:01 AM, on November first, it begins. There are two clear schools of thought when it comes to the Christmas season and the correct timeline. First:

12:01 AM, November 1: IT'S HAPPENING. CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE. LET’S ALL DRINK PEPPERMINT MOCHAS AND SING OVERPLAYED CHRISTMAS POP SONGS AND WATCH ELF THIRTY TIMES AND GO SHOPPING!

Versus:

12:01 AM, November 1: Oh no. I can hear them coming. The carolers. IT’S NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING YET, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DON'T GET THOSE SONGS STUCK IN MY HEAD!

It is an annual battle, with lunacy on par with this year’s election. Everyone has their own strong opinions and they fall into two clear camps on when the Christmas season officially begins.

Many—including retailers, the overenthusiastic, and myself—firmly contest that the moment we take down the pumpkins, we are allowed to start jingle bell rocking.

Others have coined this as the dreaded Christmas Creep: when the Christmas season starts creeping up on Thanksgiving, or worse, Halloween.

This comic clearly explains the latter view. But there are no songs or good cheer associated with Thanksgiving! While it is sad that Thanksgiving can be overshadowed by the Christmas season, can't we all appreciate that Christmas really are the most wonderful time of the year?* So why don't we decorate our houses for Thanksgiving and relish in gratitude for the week we all get off from school, then immediately redecorate for the coming season? In the meantime, we can sing our Christmas songs in private and share our peppermint mochas with other revelers starting as early as we like. Let's keep our Christmas spirit (mostly) secret until after Thanksgiving. It's only polite.

* This article is written from one Christmas-celebrator to all of the others. No offense or exclusivity is intended to those who don't celebrate Christmas, or enjoy a different winter holiday.

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The Christmas Creep

Halloween is over, make way for the overzealous Christmas celebration.

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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