You have probably been cheated on, or you may have dipped your own toes into the waters of infidelity a time or two. If you are one of the lucky ones who has not felt the repercussions of physical betrayal, I would like to bet you have felt those of emotional betrayal.
Just because she did not run her fingers through his hair, share his sheets or wear his t-shirts in the morning does not mean she was faithful.
Affairs can be both physical and emotional. Your boyfriend can be completely involved with another person without laying a finger on them. Why isn't everyone able to see this? How is a relationship, more importantly, exclusivity defined by only sex?
We don’t get angry at her “guy friends” or the girl he’s known since sixth grade and tells all his secrets to. We get angry at drunken kisses, and finding underwear that doesn’t belong to us.
You can have sex with everyone. You cannot love everyone. Having an emotional connection is far more intimate than sex will ever be.
As there are endless ways to completely mess up a relationship, why do we entangle ourselves into these strangely complex and emotionally draining social contracts? When did we agree to sign off our bodies to one single person, whilst our minds remain to roam free?
I have shared one too many pints of Ben & Jerry's with my friends suffering from "heartbreak." Relationships and exclusivity seem to lay a foundation for betrayal, deceit, and manipulation. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Just because you enjoy each other’s company does not mean you suddenly can’t enjoy someone else’s.
Obviously, there are monogamous relationships that are completely functional and healthy -- if you are in one of those I don’t reprimand you, I value and envy that. Unfortunately it seems as though most of us are left wondering when he will text you back, what he was doing last night, and whom he has been talking to. These aren’t symptoms of your typical “crazy girlfriend” -- these are symptoms of every girlfriend.
Just because you like your boyfriend doesn’t mean other people suddenly cannot like him. Just because your girlfriend is beautiful doesn’t mean other girls suddenly resemble Shrek. Just because your sex life is okay, doesn’t mean it can’t be better.
As nicely written in our Constitution, we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Why, then, do millions of us sacrifice our emotional wellbeing, our “pursuit of happiness,” to a vague promise we made to another human, whilst still swimming in a heated pool of temptation and lust?
“To death till us part” no longer holds meaning as too many marriages result in divorce.
Why are my friends in college committed to boys miles and miles away, while giving me the task of making sure they do not kiss or, god forbid, end up in bed with a stranger?
If you constantly have to force yourself to stay focused on your relationship -- to stay focused on not crossing a line -- then why are you in it? Why are you doing this to yourself?
Why did we even create lines that can be crossed? What is so wrong with loving, with experiencing other people, and with creating lasting emotional connections with more than one person? It is evident that agreeing to be exclusive does nothing to protect a relationship -- it is a gateway for mistakes as we seemingly cannot stop ourselves from seeking emotional comfort from others, and our minds are not halted from imagining an evening with the cute guy who delivers sandwiches.
Now, I am not saying I would like four husbands, 12 kids, and a nice big house for all of us to live and play Monopoly in. The message I am trying to get across is that we should not be so quick to make a promise to one another when we can’t keep it. Especially when we are so young, ever changing, and malleable, delving into serious and emotionally straining relationships seems like a trend that is worth re-evaluating when you are in the prime of your life, and just beginning to have a taste of the real world.
