Everyone has that one "love" that never really goes away.
You may not even have romantic feelings for him anymore, but you still feel something. I was head over heels for a boy who only wanted me when it was convenient for him. Being a college girl, dealing with these types of boys was nothing new for me.
This one was different though. When we were done it felt like my entire world came crashing down and I didn't know what to do. The worst part is that he doesn't ever stay gone. He continues to come back into my life all for me to watch my life be disrupted again.
We all know that one of boys favorite things to do is play with a girls heart, but this one was different. I never expected him to change me in the ways he did. I gave him over a year of my life, feelings, and time. I wanted to spend forever with him and I wish I would've known that forever with him just wouldn't be possible.
After believing his lies time and time again, I would let him come back to me. Each time it destroyed me a little bit more. Knowing you were lying to me every time you said you were with "friends" killed me. I wish you would've seen how much it affected me and how many times I laid in my shower bawling. I also wish I would've never allowed you to do this to me. Not just once, but I let you do it repeatedly because I loved you so much.
Even after over two years.... I still let you come back to me. Even though you have a new girlfriend I still do everything you say and I absolutely hate it. I wish I had the courage to tell her how you still feel about me, but like always I know you'd still deny it. Most of all I wish you would stop coming back to me. Stop looking at my Snapchats, stop unblocking my number when she's not around, and most of all stop making me believe that you care about me.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't let you back into my life at all. I still believe that we're meant to be together in the long run. Maybe it's because of those sad quotes that tell you if you love something you have to let it go and if it comes back to you then it's meant to be. I think if you didn't love me, you wouldn't bother with me at all.
I hope you stop coming back to me over and over again. I want to know what it's like to not fall back under your charm without having to block you from everything. If you do come back to me though, promise you'll stay. I can't keep doing this for you or for my momentary happiness. I used to think I'd rather have you for a little bit rather than nothing. So please, stop coming back to me and leaving. I'm worth more than that.
