Today I realized that I don’t need you. Even though looking at you makes me miss the way you used to hold me so gently, and those eyes, God those eyes did they remind me so much of why I fell in love with you. Even though I wish you could teach me how to move on as quickly as you did, I have taught myself. I no longer feel sick at the thought of you but instead strength. I am stronger then I ever thought I could be - so I want to thank you for teaching me that I can fall in love. Someone is capable of loving me. You just weren’t strong enough to take care of my heavy heart. I don’t regret a single second that I was with you. You taught me so many things, good and bad.
Falling in love with you was giving you a loaded gun and pointing it at my heart. I trusted you not to pull the trigger but you pulled it, not once, but twice. You missed. You hurt me like I thought no one could, but I came back stronger and more beautiful than I have ever been so thank you for that because now I know I am capable of handling anything that this twisted world throws at me. Everyone says that you’ll come crawling back, and I know you will. When she leaves you won’t know what to do. You’ll try to apologize for hurting me and tell me how much you need me. My heart will sink, I will cry, no doubt. But I’ll take your hands, tears running down my face, and say “I never met a person like you. You were my first love and always will be. I loved when you told me I was beautiful and I was so different from any other girl. I would absolutely love to fall back in love with you,” I’ll let go of his hands. “But you left me once and you’ll leave me again.” Maybe this time not for the same reason but for some other reason.
You don’t deserve someone like me and I deserve someone so much better then you. I wish you nothing but the best but I am moving on. I realized I fell in love with the way you made me feel. I fell in love with all of our adventures. But I was never truly in love with you. So this time I will be the one to pull the trigger and I won’t miss.
