First off and foremost, I loved you. I believe I loved you more than anyone I’ve ever spent time loving. People are going to think insanely of me but I’ll admit, I still love you.

I know it hasn’t exactly been that long, but the thought of you being gone repeatedly sneaks up on me. I still think of you everyday even when I don’t want to. Despite the complications and brutal arguments we had, I can’t seem to move on.

You being my boyfriend and best friend all in one, I had the best of both worlds. As I’ve always told you, I could write an entire novel about how breathtaking you were and how incredibly happy you made me. You got to know me, found out my deepest secrets, and still thought I was beautiful when I was in a t-shirt with shorts and my hair in a bun. You asked me to move in, we took care of our dog together, and felt comfortable with each other in every way. We had such an extraordinary story written there.

But love isn’t always like the one you see in Nicholas Sparks movies.

You were more to me than just the guy I met at Walmart or the guy that lived behind my house. You were my world. You gave me everything. You shaped me into someone better. But now I am at a loss. I find it extremely difficult to be surrounded by people, but still feel utterly alone. As cliche as this is, everything around me reminds me of you. I find myself glancing at the clear sky and then remembering your blue eyes. I often run into the people that knew us so well. I still get the excitement to tell you all about my day and random stories I had. I’m even driving in the car with songs we used to listen to and think about how you’d take ahold of my hand. It’s all an usual adjustment that I can’t seem to grasp right now.

Honestly, I wish I could say I hate you but I don’t. You deserve the absolute best in life. However, you can call me selfish because I wish I could still be in your life watching you do amazing things. Sometimes I wish I would’ve just begged you to stay and talk things out with me even if you needed “space.” The truth is, I was afraid of rejection. I guess things happen for a reason right?

I lastly want to thank you for all the good that came out of us. You showed me what it was like to walk into love blindly, preparing for whatever got thrown at me. Loving me on the darkest days and on the best days. Making me laugh until it hurt just by being your goofy self. I thank you for all the great memories in which I will never let go of. I mean this in the most genuine way, I hope you are doing well out there in the army world and that great opportunities head in your direction. I know in time the pain will diminish for the both of us.

Sincerely,

The girl who “loved you more.”