You know that awkward moment when you're sitting in service and the pastor is preaching during "Marriage Month" of his sermon series and you're constantly rolling your eyes because it doesn't apply to you? Or that awkward moment when that little old lady in the church introduces you to someone that is recently single-- for the fiftieth time this month? Oh, and don't forget my favorite awkward moment: when the pastor is asking all the married people to raise their hands, and then out of obligation, he asks all the single people to raise their hands too. Then proceeds to say something along the lines of "Now take a look around the room, make sure you pay attention to who raised their hands, and get together after service!"
Welcome to singlehood in the church. It's full of fun, awkward moments, right?
Almost all of us have been in that place or are currently in that place at the moment. If we could be honest, it isn't exactly most exciting thing to happen to our lives. Due to church members placing a new kind of pressure on the singles of the church and pastors preaching with more emphasis on marriage, it occasionally turns church into a "singleness pressure chamber." This can easily turn off someone to the idea of marriage or even dating someone because they've heard it all too much before. If any of this isn't taken into account with the correct mindset on what singleness should REALLY look like in the church, it could possibly shun someone from fully receiving the gospel.
In the 21 years I have been on this earth, I can finally say that singleness is a blessing to my life. No, I'm not saying this because I don't plan on being married or because I am actually bitter that I'm single. I do, in fact, plan on getting into a relationship and eventually getting married one day. But today isn't that day, and I am fully content with that being the case. Through this season of actually being content with being single, it has changed my outlook on my life, my relationship with Christ, relationships as a whole, and even my future marriage. Here are a couple of blessings I've found from being single that I'd love to share with y'all.
1. I Got No Worries, Fam.
So this one is kind of up for debate because yes, I do still experience worries as a single person. But here's the thing: I don't have to constantly worry about the trivial things. I don't always have to "look on point" for my significant other every single day. I don't have to crack the right jokes or place words in my sentences that fluff somebody up in the right way either. I can just focus on simply enjoying life without having to worry if the person next to me is having a great time as well.
Don't misconstrue that statement either; I am not saying that in order to be in a relationship you have to act like you have everything together at all times. I'm just saying... Have you even heard of the honeymoon stage of a relationship? or even having a crush on someone? If you have, you've felt those things that I've mentioned above. You've wanted to say the right words to impress that cute girl at the church coffee shop. You've wanted to look your best for the handsome guy that makes brief eye contact with you while you're praying in a circle. I mean hey, you've even made sure you smell like freaking flowers and sunshine so that when you show your bae you know how to worship "in spirit and in truth" by lifting your hands, she won't catch that you actually haven't showered in a day or two.
I'm saying all this because when you have the correct mindset of being content with being single, you're not constantly out searching for "The One". You're actually having your mind set on making genuine connections with people in your church, seeing their relationships with Christ and others around them flourish, and getting that Word in a corporate setting. Now that's something to consider as a blessing!
2. "With No Belles, You Hit Up More Sales. With No Beau, You Got More Dough!"
In case you don't understand that, the words Belle and Beau are both French for "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". What I mean by this statement is that whether you're just going out to eat at Taco Bell or buying them a birthday present, you always have some kind of money dedicated to spending on your significant other. Without a significant other, you can spend your money HOWEVER you want. You could take yourself out to eat at a bougie restaurant every now and again, tithe that money and give it to God, start saving up for your future dream home, adopt a puppy, or even be like Ben Wyatt from Parks and Recreation and "treat yo self" to a whole Batman suit if that's your forte. Whatever you do, this is the opportunity to get your finances in whatever order you'd like them to be in. If that means going on a shopping spree every now and again, giving it fully to God, or just saving it up for retirement; you do you, boo boo.
3. REALLY Focus on Your Future Marriage.
How ironic, I'm telling you to be content with being single, but to also focus on your future. Stick with me here, okay? The thing I've noticed is that even if you're in a relationship or just sitting next to someone you have a crush on and the pastor is talking about marriage; odds are you or the other person are going to feel SOME kind of pressure to get married soon by listening to that sermon together. And that definitely should not be a thing. You shouldn't roll your eyes because it doesn't apply to you either. You should feel freedom in the fact that you are starting now to take notice of what a healthy marriage in the church should look like. I like to take notes whenever I'm in the middle of listening to a sermon series on marriage. I write down every point and afterwards I pray over it. I pray that this will be imprinted on my heart. So that way, when my time comes for God to show me who my significant other is, I can see the most important things that God wants me to see as soon as I meet them. As time goes by and I'm actually married in the future, I can remember and be encouraged by those points from that sermon.
4. You Get to Bless Others!
This is one of the greatest things you could do in a season of singleness. You have the opportunity to give of yourself in ways you wouldn't be able to do when you're in a relationship or when you're married. If you're not already doing so, you can be a part of small groups in your church, you could be serving in the nursery or kids/youth ministry, you could join the worship team or media team, join the greeter's team of your church.... Or you could do all the above!
When you're single, you don't have to worry about attending service looking like that #powercouple you see. You actually have the privilege to bless others! You can be a vital part of ministry without even stepping on the pulpit, because even your "Hello, welcome to Church of the King" greeting can bring a person one step closer to feeling welcomed and loved just as Christ loved them. And that's what we are there for at the church!
Start out small by serving in what you're gifted in, and I promise you, serving will be the best thing you'll ever decide to do, because you get to give God the glory!
By serving in the church, you use your gifts to bless others, instead of only your significant other.
5. You Get to Focus on Jesus.
When I tell a married person I am single, they respond with "Oh.... Well, that's okay. You'll find 'The One' someday!" Even with their best intentions at heart, it's actually quite discouraging. Add in my over-analyzing mind and what they just said to me is a pretty loaded statement. First, they told me "that's okay," as if being single had a negative connotation. Adding onto that negative connotation by saying "You'll find 'The One' someday" seems as if you are suggesting that I haven't found the One. Fun fact: despite me being single, I have found "The One" and His name is Jesus.
For through my season of content-ness, I have grown more in my relationship with Christ than I have ever imagined. This is because I have chosen to fix my eyes on Him. I know I make this a point almost every single article, but it truly is the most important thing you could ever do for yourself!
The best possible way I could imagine wrapping this article up is by quoting an article from Relevant Magazine that inspired this piece as a whole. It states:
"Paul says it likes this in 1 Corinthians 7:7–8: 'I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.' We as the Church need to recognize that although being married is a beautiful thing, so is being single—neither position trumps the other in matters of value or authority. We are blessed to have diversity of experiences among us."
