Last year I found myself agreeing to extra hours at work, even though my body was aching for my bed. I would quickly agree to go out with friends even though I secretly wished to just be at home binge-watching Netflix. I would say yes, without thought or hesitation, and then immediately feeling the remorse. Maybe you're like me and have the crippling disease of saying "yes" to every opportunity or outing that is presented to you. The reality is saying yes to everything causes our life, bodies, and happiness to suffer. We live in a world that is calling for us to do more, be more, and go out more when we truthfully need to do less. As my happiness started to waver and the famous "I'm so busy" line started to take over my life, I learned the best thing I could change about my life is simply saying no. Not in a rude, off-putting way, but in a way that is genuine, and that will most likely not cost you future potential opportunities to say yes. Let's get started with these six easy tips:
1. Acknowledge the offer
Obviously, this wouldn't apply if the opportunity is presented in person, but if you are receiving an opportunity through an email or text, be sure to always acknowledge the person that has extended the offer. As our inboxes pile up, emails tend to get lost in the sea but it is important to not simply ignore an offer, even if you are going to say no.
2. Show gratitude and give timeline
Plenty of people are eager to be presented with an opportunity to speak, to pick up extra hours, or to be chosen at the opportunity you've been offered so it's important to give thanks for the person presenting you with that opportunity.
"Thank you so much for thinking of me with this opportunity."
"I appreciate you offering me this chance to..."
3. Give timeline
How many times have we quickly said yes without giving it a thought? You don't have to answer right away. It is perfectly okay to ask the person for time to think about your answer and if you really want to say yes or no to this opportunity.
"Thanks for much for thinking of me, can I get back with you in a few hours?"
"I appreciate you offering me this chance to speak. Can you email me tomorrow with the details?"
“Let me check my calendar and if I can commit I will let you know.”
4. Leave out the details
Keep it simple. You can have your own reasons about why you're saying no (time, family, personal reasons), however, you don't owe the person any explanations as to why you said no.
"I'm not able to commit to that at this time."
"Unfortunately, I won't be able to participate with this opportunity right now."
If you still feel guilty about saying no and want to provide details, just know that providing details will always allow the other person to think about your answer and try to come up with solutions to change your answer to a yes. This is okay, however, if you're saying no because they aren't offering you something you want or the timeline doesn't fit. So, only provide a reason for your "no" if you would change your answer if they changed an aspect of their offer.
“This is not a good time. I can contact you when I have more availability.”
“This task is not really in my wheelhouse, but perhaps I can... instead.”
"Unfortunately, I am unable to take your photos at this time but please contact me in a couple months and I would be happy to take your photos."
5. Keep the door open
Not every opportunity is the right one for you but the person may have another opportunity at another time that may be a good one for you. Therefore, it's always good to never burn your bridges. The best collaborations come from people who have said no to each other's opportunities but have kept the door open so that when another opportunity comes, it will be offered willing.
"I hope you'll consider me the next time an opportunity comes up."
"I hope you'll keep me in mind for the next project."
6. Don't feel guilty
Stand our ground. Oftentimes, this means being ready for a secondary question. Remember that you do not have to feel guilty for saying no. The late Steve Jobs once said: “Focus is about saying no.” Don’t over-clutter your calendar with commitments that derail your focus, pulling you away from the work that you truly want to do. It’s not good for your career. It’s not good for your soul. And if someone gets furious because of your sane, reasonable, elegantly articulated “no?” Well, that opportunity wasn't for you and that person shouldn't be considered your true friend and collaborator.
Once you see how much more control over your life you have, saying no will become second nature.
