The idea or premise of the practice of "The Secret Santa" gift-giving during the holiday season has many names and rules. It can be referred to as "White Elephant Exchange," or "Yankee Swap," or "Grab Bag." Whatever the name, the gifts or might I say the lack of thought some participants put into this event are at times challenging.

There are three groups that take part in this exchange, the most popular group is at the office or the work environment. Many have received that elusive candle that has been re-gifted to a family member, who re-gifts it to a co-worker, and the cycle continues until the 10-year-old candle is finally lit when the last recipient has to use it because a storm knocked out the power.

Then there are the family and friend groups, there is always that one member, where the religious believer thinks giving a gift to a non-believer will open their eyes to their beliefs. It's another cycle that has some members going too far and others refusing to participate in future exchanges.

Now, if you have the opportunity to participate in one of these events this holiday season and are at a loss for gift ideas, I have some advice. Many like to give personalized gifts like a picture frame with the family names on them. Glasses or towels with initials, and coffee cups. These are okay if you know the recipient has requested or has been seen with these types of items in the past. But don't assume the recipient will like it because you are a fan. The ideal personal gift is a gift of charity in the name of the recipient, However, don't make it your favorite charity but theirs. If you feel the need to give a gift that can be used for future holidays or daily use, a gift basket with a theme is a good idea. You could put coffees, teas, pastas, or bath salts in it. Cups don't have to have a holiday theme, nor do the bath salts. A cozy pair of fuzzy socks or moisturizing gloves in the basket can be accepted by many.

However, gender-neutral gifts are ideal and even though elfster.com says scratch-off lottery tickets are a no-no, I do enjoy a few. However, after the gift of unwrapping or scrapping the silver cover off the paper is done, it does become a big letdown if the recipient only wins a few dollars and everyone else in the group has something they can use throughout the year. So, this is another gift that must be one that a receiver actually requests.

It is never a good idea to put together a box or basket of items in your home that you have not used. For example, if you can't afford or don't know what to get a person that you are assigned to in one of these exchanges, don't put a box of freebie face creams, lipsticks, and miscellaneous gadgets you have saved from different monthly purchases like Birchbox.com.

If you are asked to participate and had a bad experience in the past, don't spoil it for others by not only refusing to participate but making a case out of how many of these online exchanges are scams and no one should take part in them. There are many people out there that love to buy gifts for friends and this gives them the opportunity to do so without making them feel they need to do the same.

As for that one single family member who convinces the adults in the large family that "Secret Santa" is the fair way to go because they can't afford to buy gifts for everyone in the family, I get it and I don't think it's a bad idea. However, if you include your parents, then I draw the line. Remember your parents gave up vacations, new clothes, new cars, and probably a few unmentionable items to make sure you got everything you wanted on your wish list.

Happy Secret Santa to everyone.