My first anxiety attack took place when I was 15 years old. Can you imagine being a freshman in high school, mid anxiety attack and not knowing what was going on or who to tell. Well that's what happened. It was over something dumb you could say. I didn't know how to get around a school full of 3000 kids. With a building that reminded me of the size of Disney World I felt like a small fish in a big sea.

Anxiety attacks feel like you are drowning in a pool surrounded by lifeguards. I say that because there are so many people around you and so many reasons to be okay, but you still drown. Drowning in an anxiety attack is equivalent to crying in front of a room full of people. This is why I'll always remember my first anxiety attack. As the tears rolled off my face I wanted to excuse myself to the bathroom, but it was too late. I couldn't breathe and the words couldn't come out of my mouth. So I sat in the corner of the classroom contemplating what to do. What was I crying over? We’re all freshman here, we’re all lost, so why am I the only one crying?

That's when I realized there was something wrong. I told my mom the story of what had happened on my first day of freshman year and she said “it's okay honey, everyone gets anxiety on the first day of school.” I felt relieved, although I didn't want to go back to school the next day. As the school year went on my anxiety got worse. I would be anxious about anything and everything. “Who was I gonna sit with at lunch?”, “what if my breath smells after I eat?”, “what if I can't make friends?”, “what if I fail my math test?” I was living a “what if?” life in a world full of spontaneity.

The anxiety started eating me alive and I began withdrawing myself from the world. I went about my day and talked to no one. You could always find me sneaking text messages to my parents about how much I hated school. I quickly fell into a deep depression, never wanting to go to school. Never wanting to talk to people. I never wanted to do anything but lay in my bed and sleep. It got to the point where my parents were worried. And so, I got help. Psychiatrists visits one after the other. Throughout the course of high school, I was on 7 different anti-depressants. All which failed miserably. Side effects were either weight gain, or moodiness, suicidal thoughts, or even more withdrawn than before.

Finally, my senior year came around. I had had the most miserable high school experience. Until I finally found the right Anti-Anxiety/Depressant medication. I began socializing. It was weird for me since for the last 3.5 years I probably talked in school once a week. But, everyone already had their friend groups which made it near impossible for me to break out of my shell.

I had these two acquaintances in my math class who I did enjoy talking to. I always tried to say “hi” because I hoped a simple “hello” would make them talk to me. Although, putting myself out there was the most difficult thing of my life, I really did want to be their friend. They always had the coolest stories to tell about the parties they hosted last weekend or their dates to “Chick-fil-a.” I always secretly wanted to be included in these things.

I started trying harder. My therapist always told me that the best way to make friends is by asking them about themselves. And so that's what I did. I would ask them how their weekends were, or how they did on their math test. I loved talking to them and soon it kinda felt like they enjoyed talking to me too. I even got invited to the prom pictures and to hangout after. That's when it all changed. Prom was June 5, and after that I became the happiest person. My anxiety was under control, my depression was in remission and I had two best friends that I wouldn't change anything in the world for. My laugh was now genuine and my smile was no longer fake. I have to thank them for giving me the world when mine was in shambles. Without them I don't know where I would be.

While I still have an anxiety attack at least once a month, I know that my best friends will be there for me. I know I'll always have them and that helps keep me “okay.” Anxiety isn’t something to joke around with. Take it from someone with experience, get help if you need it. I’m forever grateful for having amazing people that helped me through the roughest time of my life.