"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."
Whether it's an abusive family member, unfaithful partner, friend that needs/refuses mental help, or a spouse that is struggling with addiction, contrary to popular belief, you don't just stick around them because you're are stupid. No matter how much they put you through and how little they care that their behavior negatively affects you, you put up with it. You stay because you want to help them, change them, and see them reach their full potential. You want them in your life, moreover, you don't want to lose them. You want it to work.
Whenever that relationship becomes too much to bare and begins to bring more harm that good into your life, you must make a choice: hold on or let go.
The Choice is Yours
Whenever you reach your breaking point you will know. You will not only be tired of their actions, but also your reactions.Take a step back and realize that the only person you can control is yourself. Make a choice: keep repeating your unhealthy actions by trying again to save the relationship/person OR take a step in another direction entirely to save yourself and inner peace.
Accept What Is
We always focus on the good times and the potential of the ones we are in a toxic relationship with. The "if he/she would change or get help then" or "When they wake up and realize that" line becomes part of your thought process and part of the excuses you make for them. Unfortunately the more we take them back, the more make excuses we make, and the more we try to "fix" them, the more broken we become. The fact of the matter is that we alone can't fix someone that does not want to be fixed. That person has to want to change their ways and sometimes they don't even see a problem with the things they are doing. You can't force it.
Set Boundaries
Trying to be strong for someone else can sometimes turn you into a weak target. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you accept blatant disrespect, violence, mental and emotional abuse, and always come back or always step in to save the day, they will serve those unhealthy actions whenever they feel. It becomes an acceptable behavior because, without even saying it, time and time again you showed them it was. Set boundaries with those around you. Let them know that you love them but refuse to be their doormat and enable their bad behaviors. If they fail to respect those boundaries, stick to your guns and act accordingly.
You Affect Other People
Comparable to the domino effect, the people closest to you tend to feel the effects of your emotional state. Think of how this relationship can affect your other friendships, spouse, or more importantly children if they are involved. Those who love and care about you want you to be happy. Imagine how they feel when you can't provide them the best of yourself because you are giving all of emotions and energy to someone else. You're mentally drained and it leaves those closest to you to help you pick up the pieces. Protect yourself and those around you from the negativity.
Overcome Guilt / You are Not a Bad Person
Letting go is hard and can send you on an emotional roller coaster that at times seems impossible to get off. Remember, that walking away from an abusive relationship or toxic person does not make you a bad person. It also doesn't mean that you no longer care about or love that person. You have to do what is right yourself and protect your inner peace, and there is nothing wrong or hateful about that.
Learn From It
Happiness is a consequence or your choices and actions. Don't dwell on the fact that you "wasted time" working on something that didn't work out. Instead look upon those hard experiences and learn from them. Letting go of a toxic relationship is not easy but it is worth it. Stick it out, be brave, and have hope for the future. You owe it to yourself and deserve to have happiness and inner peace.
