There is one event in everyone's life that they're dreading. It's slowly lurking around as someone gets older or appears suddenly from the next corner in life. That event is losing someone close to you. I'm not talking about the concept of someone moving away, losing touch, or having someone disappear from your life, but rather the actual event of someone passing away. This is particularly poignant for me this week because it was the eight year anniversary of losing my uncle. Breaking down how someone reacts to death, we all do differently, can better prepare you for working your way through the situation. What really can be beautiful about the passing of a loved one, after the initial shock, mourning and grief, is the growth and memories that come out of it.
In my short life I've lost several members of my family, some I was prepared for, but others came out of the blue. Personally I shut down when I get the news that a loved one has passed away, especially if it comes out of the blue. I go into this autopilot of grief, sadness, and inability to get through my head that I couldn't have done anything to make this not happen. I try to compartmentalize these feelings and smile to try and comfort other members of my family. What happens though is when the services are over, the family is alone reminiscing, all the compartmentalized walls suddenly break down and a flood of emotion comes out. This is where something beautiful happens.
As I begin to cry and let my emotions go I tend to start reminiscing about past times in vivid detail. I can recollect all the adventures in and around Boston, all the awesome Christmas or birthday presents I got, the little things they did to make me laugh, or the little things like when I was allowed to eat ice cream for breakfast or lunch. What I see in these moments are the qualities that made that specific loved one so endearing and makes me want to better myself to be more like them. I realized that I shut down and compartmentalize because my consciousness doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that they truly are gone. At the same time I suddenly become aware to all the things I took for granted with this person.
What spurned me to write this article is that some of my friends think something is wrong with them when they shut down when they lose a loved one. Some think they should be more emotional and others just feel like they're missing part of the grieving process. By being honest with myself in this situation, I've come to learn that we all grieve differently and what the focus should be is on the life lessons of said person's life. Every single person who has come into our lives has taught us something, sometimes it takes losing one to figure it out.
