The fear. The anxiety. The safety.

Last year at this time, I was preparing for my first year of college, in a new town, with new people, at a new school, etc. So much of my life was new to me, and it was scary. It was exciting. It was nerve-wracking. I was preparing myself for a new chapter in life, a completely different experience than what I had ever experienced before. I was in the process of slowly packing my things, starting with winter clothes, creating a stockpile of toiletries and laundry soap, deciding what I was taking and what I could leave at home.

I had a wonderful year away at college. I learned so much about myself that I couldn’t even express it into words because I wouldn’t know where to start. I cried and I laughed, both a lot more than I have in years. I was full of fear and anxiety, and yet also filled with joy, excitement, fulfillment and happiness.

But I was never apprehensive about my personal safety.

I was never apprehensive about my safety in my classroom. I was never apprehensive about saying something in class that would come back to hurt me. I was never apprehensive about my safety in my dorm. I was never apprehensive about someone disagreeing with my views. I was never apprehensive about being a witness to an incident. I was never apprehensive about being a victim of an incident. I was never apprehensive about how my family and friends would feel if I didn’t survive an incident on campus.

This year, I fear.

As of July 1 of this year, anyone who is legally eligible to carry a concealed handgun in Kansas can do so on my university’s campus. As long as firearms are concealed and out of plain sight, the holder is licensed and 21 or older, it is legal on campus. This only applies to concealed firearms and not open carry. The dean, president, or CEO of the university may establish policies and procedures regarding this, which could prohibit concealed carry in certain areas of campus. This applies to most universities and colleges nationwide.

I will be a sophomore this fall, and I am scared. It is not a constant fear, but it is a fear in the back of my mind that makes me sick to think about. It frequently crosses my mind, and I am sickened by it. I can only imagine how incoming freshmen feel. I know how I felt without this, and that was unnerving enough.

I am not worried about my friends. I am not worried about my choir-mates. I am not worried about my professors. I am worried about the 10 percent of my university’s students who said they want guns on my campus. I am not worried about the 80 percent who said they didn’t. I am worried about the kid in class who maybe won’t agree with my views. I am worried about the kid who won’t do anything in class but could go after someone after class. I am worried about the suicide rates at my university. I am worried about the unstable college students who could have a gun on a bad day. I am worried about the students who might become victims because another classmate hit them instead of the intruding gunman. I am worried that classroom discussions will be limited and that I may lose some learning opportunities. I am worried that I could be a victim.

My apprehension will not go away until something changes.

In 2013, it was decided that concealed carry was not allowed on college and university campuses. That did not prevent shootings from happening, but could have possibly diminished the number of them. This year, that bill expired and allowed for legislators to make a decision. They decided to make our campuses less safe, to possibly increase suicide rates and to decrease learning opportunities.

As a university student, I am apprehensive about this choice. I am fearful about what this year, and the next years, will bring. I will continue to do what I can to fight for this cause that I feel so strongly about. Education beyond high school should be an opportunity to expand the mind, making connections and opening doors to many experiences. Allowing for guns in an education setting allows for fear and apprehensiveness, which inhibit learning. Most people go to college to learn, so why take that away?