So one day after school, (the last day of school, to be precise) I was with one of my teachers just talking. My best-friend mentioned that we were going to our friend's house (a kid that I liked for a while) and my teacher pipes up and says, "Oh, the kid you've been making puppy dog eyes at for the past 5 months?" Mortified, I do the only thing I know how to do in awkward moments and laugh it off for way longer than socially appropriate. But despite my attempts to divert attention, he genuinely starts asking me about it. From the way he saw it, I had been hopelessly in love with a guy who obviously could never see me the same way, trailing his coat tails like a lost lamb.

Not gonna lie, it was a little sad on my part...

But something he said stuck out to me. He said, "If you pursue each other mutually, it works out. If the guy pursues the girl, then it'll probably work out. But if a girl is pursuing a guy, it usually doesn't end well. Either he's interested or he's not." And even though it was a hard truth, something in me was indignant about this. I wanted to show him that it wasn't just me being a hopeless romantic. That I knew there was something there and I was determined to bring it out.

Side note but important note: He was wrong. It doesn't matter whether you're a boy or a girl. Every person has the right to take the first step towards love. It's not the guy's "natural responsibility" to start everything or be the first one to ask someone out. And it's not "clingy" or "unfeminine" for a girl to initiate. Most guys, when asked, say that it's a huge turn-on when a girl makes the first move.

But honestly, who makes the rules for this crap?? When do you know if there's no chance or not? When do you approach someone, ask them on a date, or define a relationship? Is "friends with benefits" an actual status or just a noncommittal, nameless version of dating? What IS a relationship??

It's great if you have the answers to these obscure questions but the annoying part is that such conundrums of this nature always involve two people. And that means two different hearts, two different personalities, two different opinions, and more than two different kinds of hell. Yay!

At the end of my discussion with this teacher, his advice was for me to draw back a bit. If he comes closer when you distance yourself, you can assert that he's interested. If you back up and he backs up too or just leaves, you can safely say that there's no reason to keep trying. He crudely used a fishing metaphor to illustrate this point, but it got the job done.

I want to tell you, whatever the situation is, "Don't give up!" But that's unrealistic and sometimes hazardous to your heart health. I guess the most important thing I can say is that you have to know the person. Like, really know them. There is no reliable way of knowing if somebody likes you (trust me, seventeen magazine quizzes are of no help in this department. 14-year-old-me learned this the hard way...). But if you understand basic social cues and the way people work, you're already on your way to romance! Only 14,387,237,890 steps to go!

If, after reviewing all of your interactions, you conclude that they're just not into you, that's OK. It takes a lot of maturity to admit this. It's a bitter feeling and something I don't wish on anybody. When you realize your love is unrequited, it's much like a break-up except you shoulder all of the pain. Their lack of feelings doesn't make yours any less valid or real. So take some time and distance yourself. It hurts to not have them around but it helps you understand what your feelings really are and where they come from.

And if there IS a chance, some reasonable evidence that there's something there, then hang in there. I understand your fears of wasting your time or getting your heart broken or being wrong about the person. Truly, I do. But more often than not, people just need time. If you're not willing to go through all that, then you already have your answer. There's nothing for you there. But if you're committed and patient, then you've got quite a bit of a challenge in front of you. People are fickle and unstable and we can't make them feel anything. But that doesn't mean you can't woo 'em! And no, I don't think courting somebody has gone out of fashion.

(CAUTION: Stalking isn't cute. Know where their comfort zone is. Nothing will drive people away faster than going after them aggressively and excessively.)

From my experience, winning somebody's heart takes a tremendous amount of time and patience. But there are some people, no matter how hard you try, you just can't let go of. Not yet. Even if they friend-zone you hardcore. Even if they reel you in and then throw you back into the sea like a floppy little salmon. I fervently believe that, for the right causes, you will succeed if you don't quit.

I know it's the whole "I'm just gonna push buttons until I press the wrong one" approach but honestly, how else do we learn in life? So if you truly think this is the right person, if they really mean that much to you, and you have reason to believe that it will end fruitfully, then go for it! Charm the hell out of 'em! Drop off flowers and appeal to their interests. Grab that boom box and serenade them in their front lawn. Give them FOOD. (If this doesn't work, give up now. There is no hope.) Have deep conversations and open up to them; they might just open up to you too. Hang out a lot! Be there for them when they need you and respect their need for space. Drop those killer winks. Be suave! Be bold! And if it doesn't work out in the end, at least you'll know and they'll know that you tried. Which is a lot more than what can be said about most people.