Sometimes, I get confused when people I don't know very well give me compliments. It used to be a jarring experience for me to suddenly be thrown into a seemingly endless flurry of back-and-forth formalities because someone decided to tell me just how much they liked my hair. I will never forget seeing a post on Tumblr about compliments: "People trying to give me compliments is like trying to get a vending machine to accept a wrinkly dollar. It's frustrating for everyone involved, and you normally don't get what you want out of it."
After reading that almost four years ago, its still in the back of my head everyone time people compliment me. Although now I don't have nearly as hard of a time with complimenting, I still feel like others need more help getting around it. So if you have trouble understanding or accepting compliments, read onward!
I've never thought of myself as naturally beautiful, and in every experience I've had, it takes time to build up to a level of friendship where you accept each other- no matter who it is. But then I meet some people and we just click. You may not always need a strong relationship with someone before you can feel comfortable trading compliments.
You may not be used to compliments, but that doesn't mean people don't like you. People often don't think about or feel comfortable with complimenting others. They may notice something about you every day for a whole year, or feel grateful for that one time you helped them carry their things, but never feel brave enough to say it. When compliments are exchanged, it takes courage from both sides.
What is a "compliment"?
Compliments are words of encouragement or admiration and praise to uplift a person's spirits. One well-placed compliment can feed someone's attitude for the entire day.
It can be something for others to look back on when they are feeling low, or even a final push for them to take a step of confidence into their current situation. They make people feel important, wanted, appreciated, and loved. Although compliments are sometimes used for selfish purposes, they are still a force to be reckoned with when given to or by the right person. Building someone else up reaps untold benefits. Trust me, I've seen it first-hand. But no matter how good a compliment will make you feel, it's still difficult to know how to properly respond to one.
Why is it so hard to receive compliments?
Is it because we aren't used to them? Or maybe we don't think they are being serious. Maybe we don't feel valuable enough to be worth something and therefore ignore any form of complimenting because it must be fake.
When I first endeavored to become a "Compliment Master", it was very hard to take them seriously. I couldn't even accept the fact that they might be true, or at least mean well. Before you are able to take a compliment, you have to come to terms with how you view yourself. How can you look someone in the eye and sincerely accept their admiration of you if you can't even admire yourself? Taking that first step is about self-realization and self-love. Not on a conceited level, but where you love and are content with the person God made you to be- whether that be accepting the outside or improving the inside. Once you start looking at yourself in the light, self-confidence isn't too far off.
And maybe some of you have no problem loving yourself. Maybe you love yourself a little too much. Or you've just been weighed down by so much negativity that when you receive a compliment, it physically shocks you. I've met people who are so adamant about not accepting my compliment, they will literally tell me that they are not anything special and that I shouldn't think of them like that. Reactions like this make me want to cry. How many lies does someone have to have endured or told themselves for that to be their natural response to a compliment? Compliments are for you to know just how much someone cares; to put themselves out there can be hard for sincere compliment givers. So here's a short look into The Art of Complimenting: Giving and Receiving.
Why do we feel awkward when trying to thank someone for a compliment?
And is it just me, or does it feel awkward saying thank you after someone comments about your appearance or character? But it also feels silly to suddenly have to find something you like about a person to compensate for them complimenting you. They started it, why must you rush to fill that empty space in the conversation?! How dare they put you in that awkward position. But it happens all of the time, and most of us never handle it as gracefully as we would like.
Must we always respond to it with equal sincerity?
Compliments are oftentimes given in hopes of getting one back, but that shouldn't be the case. When giving a compliment, there must be a purpose in it. You cannot simply say something that may be untrue. Compliment people "by magnifying their strengths, not their weaknesses". An example would be instead of telling someone they sang beautifully (when they really didn't), note their attitude or some other aspect of their performance that truly did shine through!
Compliments are about spreading positivity.
