“No”

“…Is this the passing of winter?

Is this the shore?

Is this the peace I sought for?”

“No. No. No.”

Held happiness for only a second before You snatched it away. You dangled it in front of me, like someone teasing a dog.

“Can I hold onto for just a second more?”

“No.”

You filled my cup, and when I went to grab it, you knocked it over.

“May I have another glass?”

“No.”

I knocked on Your door to ask You a question—to ask a favor. Only silence. Yet I knew what that meant.

“Will you answer?”

“…”

My heart was the harp, and you played it beautifully…but did you know you broke several strings in the process?

“May I have a repair?”

“No”

You knew the storms to come, and you sent me across anyway.

“I am sinking! Will you save me?”

“No.”

Up and Down, From the mountains peaks, through the valley and bends, I am taken through life. I am lofted on my Fathers shoulders while on top of the mountains! I am dragged upon the valley floor by a strong hand.

“Will this be my path forever?”

“…

““…Is this the passing of spring?

Is this the shore?

Is this the peace I sought for?”

“No. No. No.”

From a Grief Observed (1961)

“... Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be — or so it feels — welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once. And that seeming was as strong as this. What can this mean? Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?”