"Come one come all to see the amazing invisible illness girl! She's sick but you can't even tell!"
"But she does't look sick!"
I am feel like a carnival act. Pretending I feel good when in reality it takes most of my energy just to get up every day. I have an invisible chronic illnesss. Which is exactly as it sounds. INVISIBLE AND CHRONIC! People are accustomed to only believing what they see and when they can't actually see that someone is sick most people will automatically assume you are faking.
There has rarely been a day in the last eight years that my body hasn't been in pain, my head felt like it wants to explode like a cartoon character, and where I actually have enough energy to get me through the day. Many think I never do anything or that I'm lazy. The reality of it is, is it's hard for many with chronic illnesses to actually live their lives. Day to day the only thing we are thinking is "If I can get through this day, maybe tomorrow will be better." We don't live, we survive. And that is not a life I would wish on my worst enemies
As I have told my friends and family before, " I deserve that Oscar more than (insert celebrities name here)" I act like I feel good when I'm out in public 24/7. When I do have a job, right now my illness is so bad to the point where I can't hold a normal job, I pretend I'm the Queen of England. I smile and wave the whole time pretending that I don't feel like a bus just hit me. And its taxing on me! My friends and family have adjusted and understand how I need to live my life. But others are extremely quick to judge.
This article is not meant to be a "poor me, poor me" mantra. What I want this article to do is get the awareness out there that many people live like this. Know that when someone says they have an invisible illness or a chronic pain they sometimes can't do things. We don't cancel on you because we don' want to see you. We cancel on you because maybe I took a shower and that was all the energy I had for the day. Or I'm in so much pain I can't move. Please just don't judge a book by its cover and be open to a new way of seeing things. Everyone is fighting their own battle, some of us just are fighting our own bodies.
