As we all know, the tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances...
Let's get straight to the point.
(Warning: This might get political. This might get petty. This might get mean. If you have a problem, take it up with the comments section.)
By this notice, I hereby air the following grievances:
To: all drivers, particularly in the state of Maryland,
Do you know what that lever to the side of your steering wheel does? Did you take driver's ed? Have you even heard of a turn signal? Breaking News: if you're gonna turn or merge, you have to signal it! And how do you do that? With your turn signal!
To: the people who live in the dorm room above me,
I don't understand your nightly desire to rearrange your furniture or whatever you're doing up there, but please consider that maybe 2 o'clock in the morning isn't the time to do it.
To: the CEO of Abercombie and Fitch,
You've got a hell of a lot of nerve to tell "ugly people" not to wear your clothes. Especially when your clothes are, frankly, overpriced and ugly. Great PR move, Jabba.
To: Trophy hunters,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain everything wrong with you and what you do for fun, but, according to your continued assholery, I do. For one, even if you have the money to go to Africa and "legally" hunt endangered animals, don't you have enough of a moral compass to know that that's an awful thing to do? Can't you donate to help preserve those species instead of aiding in their extinction? Secondly, it's not a sport if you have a semi-automatic and your "prey" has, well, nothing. It's more like a morally bankrupt and disgusting every-player-is-a-winner game.
To: Donald Trump,
I don't even know where to start with this one. You know what you did. You know what you're going to do. You're a disgrace to the title of president and to every American. And that's me being generous.
To: myself,
Mairin, not your best year, bud. To be honest, you got kinda mean. You're irritable, usually angry, and always tired. Please just go drink some water and take a nap. You're an 18 year old girl, not the Hulk. Get it together, fam. Seriously.
