Whenever I tell people that I am adopted, most give me a shocked look followed by at least 20 questions. These questions consist of, "Well, isn't that weird?" or "Where are your real parents?" or "Don't you want to find your real parents?" For those who aren't adopted, I can understand how the concept of being adopted (and knowing such) can really blow their minds. For me, however, it's not a mind blowing concept at all, it's simply a fact about my life (and for the lives of roughly 135,000 babies adopted per year in the US).

Let me begin my story with this: I am telling the child's side of the adoption story which is a perspective that isn't shared as frequently as it should be. From around the age of 4 years old, I have known that I am adopted. I had asked my mother (my adoptive mother but my mother just the same) if I had grown in her belly and that she had given birth to me. She told me that was not that case. She explained to me in a way that my four year old brain could understand that I had grown in some other woman's belly and that she had chosen my (adoptive) parents to raise me. Well, four year old me was quite satisfied with this explanation and I carried on with my day. Shortly thereafter, I was in first grade and it was show and tell day. I thought that brining in my adoption certificate was the coolest thing to show people. When my turn came, I explained to my young peers what my mother had explained to me about how she became my mother and I showed off my adoption certificate. My peers could not believe what I'd just told them. I was asked, "But who is your real mother?!" by a very befuddled classmate. I responded simply with, "The lady who comes to pick me up after school everyday." That's how simple it was to me then and still is now. Even at the age of 24, when I tell people that I am adopted, I still get the deer in the head lights/mouth gape followed by the inevitable questions.

I am pro-adoption because I know that my life is good because of it. My story could be a very different one if I hadn't been adopted. I could've been living in poverty with my biological mother, afraid, be homeless, never graduate high school, never go to college, ect. As I've become older and now better understand the reasoning and the whole adoption process, I highly respect my biological mother for making the decision to have me be adopted. When I got older, my mother explained to me that my biological mother was an unwed mother at the age of 19 when she became pregnant and gave birth to me. She never even told her parents about being pregnant and was able to move from Pennsylvania to Massachusetts before the pregnancy became obvious. She was young, alone, and afraid yet she was able to make an informed decision about my future; a future she knew that she couldn't give to me given her situation at the time.

I also respect my mother and father for choosing to adopt once they had exhausted all other measures in trying to become pregnant. For as difficult as it is for someone who puts their child up for adoption, the process is just as difficult for those seeking to adopt. My parents had to have full background checks including criminal and medical checks, and have social workers supervise their home before they were even eligible to adopt a child. The financial strain for couples adopting is taxing let alone the emotional and mental strain of welcoming a new baby into their lives. Even after the adoption was completed on paper, the social worker still stopped by for wellness checks for a few months after! That is what my heterosexual, white, middle-aged parents living in the North East went through to adopt me. I think it's totally unfair to make the process more difficult for same sex couples or to flat out deny them the option of adopting. Things are a changing and I hope the rest of the world can follow suit.

I understand that being adopted is not the norm but the questions still irk me. I always dread, "But who is your real mother?" and/or "Don't you want to find her? Don't you feel like something is missing in your life?" My answer to these questions are the same: the woman who I call my mother is my mother, no I don't want to find my biological mother, and no I don't feel like something is missing from my life. Whenever I see television shows advertised about finding peoples' biological parents, I can only put my face in my hands. I personally don't understand what drives some adopted children to seek out their biological parent(s). I had a friend in college who is also adopted (we bonded over it) who sought out her biological parents. Her biological mother was a basket case, as was her half brother, and her biological father had his own family and requested to not be contacted me her again. To me, that was the nail in the coffin for the whole "seeking out my biological parents to fill the void" scenario. It was never a venture I'd longed for to being with and after seeing the tepid results of my friend's search, I firmly believe that if you're meant to come back into your biological parent(s)' life, they will make the effort to find you. You don't know what their lives are like now nor do you know if they'll readily accept you back into their lives. It's unfair to them, to those who made a difficult decision to better your life, to come back out of the blue and say, "Hey, remember me?!"

I don't feel like I am less loved by my parents because I am adopted. Quite the opposite, really. They've supported me throughout my life and have been there for me through thick and thin. You don't have to be of the same blood to be a family. Love isn't bound solely by blood. That's why when I hear stories of couples debating about adopting and one of the them being so stuck on their child being biologically theirs, I can't wrap my head around it. You can't love a child anymore simply because you or your partner carried it in the womb and then gave birth it. Love doesn't work that way. Love is waking up every two hours to feed the child and rocking them back to sleep. Love is being exhausted but making sure that the child is fed, bathed, has shelter, and is happy. Love is letting the child rewatch the same movie for the 8th time that day and just letting them do it. Love is watching the child grow and thrive because you care. Love is love and love is life.

It may seem strange to those around you but in all reality, being adopted is quite normal. My mother loves me unconditionally (as do my father and step-mother. I'm a child of blended home too, yay!) and she drives me just as crazy as any mother can do. Why? Simply because she's my mom and she loves me. There's nothing more to it.

Take care. Much Love.