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The ABCs Of Uptown Towson

O is for overrated, which describes Uptown in a word.

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The ABCs Of Uptown Towson
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A: Alcohol

Let’s be honest, this is the only reason you go uptown anyways.

B: Beat The Clock

Do you beat the clock or does the clock beat you? Answer: the clock always wins

C: CVP

You only still go here because it’s the only place that accepts your fake.

D: (Lil') Dickey's

Standing on the wall is a Towson rite of passage.

E: Eating everything in sight

Whether it’s Lotsa, Kerb, McDonalds, Insomnia, or Slice, catch me at every single one of them after a night out.

F: Frat Boys

You can recognize Brad and Chad from Apple Theta Chai by their vineyard vines, Patagonia, and timbs. They can be seen with a juul in hand and will probably have just finished shotgunning a four loko.

G: Greene Turtle

So. Many. Stairs. But so worth it once you actually make the climb up.

H: Hyde

There have definitely been nights where I’ve gone uptown completely sober just to pet Hyde and get a hotdog.

I: Insomnia Cookies

Your uptown experience was forever changed once Insomnia Cookies came to Towson.

J: Juul

*Can’t see Rec Room through all the juul smoke* Will be seen in the hand of every Brad and Chad. Chances are you will see someone hitting a juul or charging one at any given point throughout your night.

K: Kent House

The quietest place uptown. You go here for 20 minutes when Turtle and Rec get to crowded and you need a break from all the people.

L: Lotsa

The Uptown holy grail.

M: Mozzarella Sticks from Kerb

For when the line at Lotsa is just too long.

N: Natty Light

Usually being shotgunned by Brad or Chad, Natty Light is effectively overpriced water in a can.

O: Overrated

Uptown in a word.

P: Pitchers

These are dangerous because you order one for the pics to post on Snapchat but 5 minutes later you are already half way done with it.

Q: Questioning my life choices

*Immediately regrets every life decision you made the next morning*

R: Rec Room

Where you go when Turtle denies your fake.

S: Sorority Girls

The reason you can’t get into Rec until 12 because Delta Everest Pie decided to have a social.

T: Torrent

Had to put this on the list because they’re making a comeback… apparently.

U: Unbuttoned Shirts

The longer you stay uptown the more hairy chests you see.

V: Vineyard Vines

Can be seen on every frat brother. Usually identified by their t-shirt, quarter zip pullover, or hat. They are usually more protective of their vineyard vines then they are of their own well-being.

W: Walking Home

For when the uber prices are just too expensive.

X: Xs on Hands

The easiest way to tell who is underage.

Y: York Road

The road where it happens

Z: ZZZs

The sound made after an eventful night uptown.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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