Since starting back at school, I have consistently been in the gym three times a week, every week. This has benefited me a lot in my life. I'm less tired in the mornings, I have more energy, and I can tell I'm getting stronger. But let's be honest, I'm not here to talk about the health benefits of working out, and I know you're not here to read about them. The best part of going to a gym on a college campus is the people-watching. So, without further ado, here's the types of people you consistently see at a college gym.
1. The Professional Athlete
As soon as you see this person walk into the gym, I promise you that you will automatically feel bad about yourself. This Hercules is hitting up the gym on a day off of training for some sort of college team sport and will throw their 6-minute treadmill mile in your face like it's nothing. Even worse, while you have to use three antibacterial wipes to get all the sweat off of your machine, they won't even break a sweat. There should be a separate gym for these people, or they should cool it. It would make everyone else feel a lot better.
2. The Selfie Addict
If you go to the gym and don't take a workout #fitnessgoals selfie, did you even really go? According to these special college gym inhabitants, the answer to this question is a resounding no. You know who I'm talking about. The ones who will do three reps and then pose in the mirror flexing like their lives depend on it. I am all for showing off progress and being proud of your gains, but do you have to do it in such an obnoxious way? I promise that everyone on God's green Earth does not need to know how intense your workout was.
3. The Grunter
Please God, no. If I have my headphones in and am jamming to 2007 Justin Bieber (yes really), I should not be able to hear your grunts of anguish. Do you want to impress me? Should I call 911? I can legitimately not tell what is happening here. I get it, man, you are working hard and making #gains. I really shouldn't have to suffer through your workout right along with you. Calm yourself.
4. The Cardio One-Trick Pony
This is for the girls and boys that stay on the elliptical for an hour and a half, moving at a snail's pace while looking through their phones. I am a firm believer that everyone has different workouts that work best for them, but what do you think this is doing for you? I am genuinely curious. You would be better off just taking a walk around the block, and you would free up some machines for people who actually have places to be. By all means, go at your own speed, but this changes a little bit when someone is waiting for the machine that you've been using at a glacial pace.
5. The Creeper
Y'all, I am so serious about this one. Why is it that creepers think the gym is the perfect place to try and hit on people at the gym? What about me lifting weights while looking sweaty and kinda miserable gives you the green light to start talking to me? In normal life, I am a very pleasant person that absolutely enjoys the occasional conversation with a stranger. But while I'm out of breath and looking like a pile of flaming hot garbage? PLEASE give it a rest. Nobody wants to be creeped out while they're just trying to get a workout in.
6. The "Mansplainer"
Now, I mean no offense when I say this, but there is always at least one male in the gym that thinks he wrote the book on fitness equipment. He will come over and offer unsolicited advice about your form, your number of reps, and the overall intensity of your workout at any given time. I have literally had boys try and help me lift TEN POUND dumbbells from the rack before because they "might be too heavy". I have a hard time believing that a 20-year-old boy has had the training necessary to give such invasive fitness advice. I don't need you to explain to me how I should be getting exercise. What I do need is for you to get away from me immediately.
7. The Karaoke Star
If I had a dime for every time I experienced someone singing along loudly to their music in the gym, I would have enough money to buy some noise-canceling earphones and stop the madness. I understand that you love your workout playlist and that you can rap every word to Eminem's "Lose Yourself" but if I can hear you singing over my own 2007 Justin Bieber, we have a problem, bud. Tone it down.
8. The Klutz
Oh man, I hate this. I really really do. There is no situation more uncomfortable than seeing someone repeatedly fall or slip up at the gym and not knowing what to do about it. On one hand, I don't want to embarrass you by telling you that I saw you trip four times on the stair master. On the other hand, it looks like you're genuinely struggling and might need help (and medical attention). What do I do?? You help me help you. Unless you start to scream "HELP", I will just kindly turn a blind eye to your mishaps.
9. The Random Faculty Member
At my college's gym, it literally makes my day to see anyone besides college students at the gym. Whether it's miscellaneous campus faculty or a favorite professor, I love nothing more than to see them on their grind and doing their thing. Plus what's better than seeing what your professors elect to wear to the gym? Nothing.
You'd be hard-pressed to find a place that brings out the worst in people quicker than a gym. Thankfully, encountering all of these characters in the gym serves as a good distraction from those reps that you're about to do (if you can get through them without the "mansplainer" trying to give you advice and/or assistance). Plus, time spent in the gym is time spent not doing homework, which makes all of these odd encounters worth it at the end of the day.
