School is quickly approaching! For some it has already come! Most likely, you have probably put little to no thought into what you need to do before and during, so here's a dandy little list of things you forgot to do for school.
1. Panic
If you aren't prepared that means running into a couple situations with major embarrassment possibilities; so getting a good freak out is basically a must. Be sure to breath forcefully and unevenly, really make sure you're breathing out of panic and not because you need air. Depending on your own preferences you can either run to a quiet space before panicking or have a melt down for all to see. If you cry, be sure to rub the tears into your face because I read somewhere that they're a great natural cleanser. Make as many irrational decisions as you can so you don't make more later when it counts.
2. Seriously consider dropping out
.
Whether you're a college senior buried in debt, a high school sophomore wondering if it's really worth it, or just entering kindergarten skeptical if any of this will actually help you in the long run; take some serious time to consider if this walk of life is for you. Will the primary colors ever be applicable to my life?
3. Stab your teacher
A death or major injury on campus is a great way to divert attention from yourself. Be sure to sharpen your knife and go for the attack under the concealment of night. It's very crucial that you balance how much you pretend to react, don't be over the top and don't do nothing; blend in with everyone so you don't get accused of murder. Being in jail will ruin your grades.
4. Buy extra notebooks.
:)
5. Blame Taylor Swift
Seems like a lot of things turning sour for no reason end up being Taylor's fault, so maybe your school situation is too. If you confront her about it just make sure you record the conversation.
6. Obsessively memorize your schedule and route.
There's nothing safer than memorizing your class schedule and making sure you know when and where you'll be every day. Print out a map of the campus and draw out your route with color coding by day, write times and classes by each building. Don't forget to make note of when you have breaks or you'll be sitting around waiting for your class. Just to be safe, record yourself saying what your classes are and where they are and when they are and listen to the recording while you sleep (alternatively all hours of the day for better results). It's never a bad idea to get a tattoo of your schedule on your arm just in case you lose the paper copy and don't know where to go. Being late to a class is the ultimate stressor so take all measures to avoid that tragedy.
7. Hire an assassin to kill you if anything goes wrong.
It's a dog eat dog world out there, so you might as well eat yourself before anyone else can. Make sure they know the credentials and are ready to make the kill if something happens. Write out a will and an invitation list to the funeral.
With these tips you are sure to succeed in the upcoming school year.
